Super Sized

Mes Amis

Lard Ass... I mean, we all knew he was right even before we saw the film, right? Morgan Spurlock's Super Size Me got its terresitrial premiere on (gasp!) Channel fuckin' 4 (as it is now officially known) the other night. I missed this at the movies so this was a chance to have all my suspicions (and insider knowledge) confirmed. A couple years ago I worked at McDonalds (a Customer Care Assistant) and gained a lot of weight. More than a lot. I went from average to lardy. Not overly lardy but just blobby around the middle and heavier than I used to be. And I can't get it off (not without dedicating myself, I suspect, to some kind of super diet) even now. One of the things Spurlock fails to mention, even though he notices most McD's employees are lardasses is the cunning way McDonald's gets you to eat its food. By paying the absolute minimum it can and by giving you one forty-five minute break per day (or that's how it was when I was there) you have no choice but to eat the free meal they provide. Being a part timer I only ate the food maybe three to four days a week but it was enough. The work, even on the front, is physically tiring. You don't sit down, you're dealing with heat and those customers think you're there just to be pushed around. And eating McD's - as Spurlock demonstrated - ain't exactly condusive to energy, but rather saps it away. Add to that you have the stink of fries and "meat" in your nostrils all day and you take it home with you in your hair and clothes. Another thing I noticed when I was there - and Spurlock mentions this briefly but is more concerned with other matters connected - is that kids don't actually like McDonald's. Seriously. Spurlock points out the conditioning that gets them in. And what I remember is kids leaving bits of burger around because they didn't like them, but being delighted because they got the toy or they got to see the clown. The parents - who are harrassed enough at having to drag their child in - yell at the kid about eating "all your food; think of the starving people in Elbonia" and the kid eats and gradually aclimatises themselves to the food through sheer persistence. I've never been happier since I stopped eating McDonald's. But you know the odd thing, every so often I get a craving for KFC or Burger King even though I *know* they must be doing exactly the same things to me that eating McDonalds three or four times a week for a year did.

Pukka... and it pains me to say this but I'm gaining more respect for Jamie Oliver, who may have all that mockney fucking chirpy chappy shit going on, but at least he's doing good things like trying to convince the government to think about food and training those fuckin' ungrateful chefs up, too. A thankless task. And I guess its also good to see him act like a human being and swear a little. And I know its not cool to say you have respect for the Oliver, but hell, you can't deny he's trying to do something to get our food back on track.

"I saw its mother!"... Forget the fuckin' deadly-dull, horrifically preachy Exorcist. Really. Anyone who says its the pinnacle of horror is deluding themselves (the pinnacle of real horror in case you were wondering is anything with Vannessa Feltz, but I wouldn't advise you to watch anything like that for entertainment). The Omen is where its at. I love this film and having just watched it again, I have to say nothing beats a creepy child, nothing beats Grrregry Peck running from the devil dogs and nothing beats PATRICK TROUGHTON (who spends a lot of time shouting and hence the caps) as the mad and drug addled priest. Few films still scare me. The Shining is one ("Come and play with is... forever and ever...") - just don't watch the Stephen King approved Mini Series which is appallling - and the Omen is another. But why, I ask myself, do I still have this compulsion to go see the new Amityville starring Ryan "Van Wilder, Shite Liasion" Reynolds?

Anyway, mes amis, that's all for now

Au Revoir

Russel

Well...

Mes Amis

Ahem... Well, I wasn't actually going to announce the secret suprise agent news until the papers were signed, sealed and delivered but the contract's on its way so unless something goes disastrously wrong between now and the pen scribbling that obscene mess of a signature on the paper, then yes I do have an agent. Still have work to do on that first novel, though, so it may be a while before I can boast of my one pound advance or whatever it will be.

Smells Kitchen... Fuckin' reality shows... Becs may complain about Masterchef but at least they show you people cooking - - this is just big brother with stupid hats and Angus fuckin' Daeyton. And, more than that, Masterchef had that fantastic contenstant who made avacado ice cream for top critics without ever having tried it himself!

Anyway, mes amis, that's all for now

Au Revoir

Russel

just to show there is actually 2 of us here....

Sorry , the brunt of the postings appear to have been russ.
Well, how drunk was I on saturday night people? go on..... yep right again! very.
I was suck- skittles- out- a- weirdo's- mouth drunk.
But you don't need to know about that. I'll leave that for my secret blog that freinds and people I might actually want to talk to me again don't read.
I actually came on to say 'what a fucking blinder!!!!' to russ. our favorite blogger these parts cos the jammy fucker has actually managed to.........GET AN AGENT!!!!!!! Russ, a bona fide author he is. What a fucking star. So well done to him I'm sure you'll all agree!

Just because I can't believe it

Mes Amis

Another quickie... but don't worry cos we got all the time in the world... Really, seriously, these guys can't be for real... can they?...

Au-revoir

Russel
(PS, if anyone really has to try this thing I take no fuckin' responsibility - - but do come back and let me know if I become a name to rival that of Willy Shakespeare)

"Currently travelling on the fucking coach trip..."

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Attack of the Space Brocolli

Mes Amis

Bring a candle... So who the fuck were you? Raise your hands, you miserable sods! Admit your sins. Who were the fools who didn't watch the amazing, wonderful, absolutely pant-wettingly scary Darkplace? I mean, Garth Marhenghi is the master of the macabre, a dream-weaver, a fabulist... And Darkplaces deserves to come back to TV... We need more than six episodes... I need more Sanj, more Dagless, more of Dean Learner's Oscar Worthy acting... Channel fucking four, get off your arses! Quit thinking you're the new channel five. Porn has its place, as does reality TV but stuff like Darkplaces, its special, its unique, its fantabulous... Well, at least there's a DVD coming soon... I don't want to mourn this show... if CH4 don't want it, surely someone must have a place for the most fabulously subversive supernatural drama ever made...

Oh really, Marjorie, I can't believe you haven't read the book... Philip, pass the Merlot, will you?... I have nothing against Dan Brown. He's made his money. And I haven't read his books. But by Christ, the people who buy them irritate me... I know normal people do read them (Beccy for one) but the ones who really piss me off are all the poseurs who want to get in on the controversy and discuss it over wine because it makes them sound sophisticated... They probably drink fucking Merlot, too! But anyway, at last the real secret of the Da Vinci Code has been revealed... And does it come as a surprise those bastards among us jealous of Brown's success? Well, we'd like to think not...

Anyway, mes amis, its back to the real world for now. Until next time

Au Revoir

Russel