Sprout Appreciation

Chocolate cake

2010-08-05T14:19:00.002+01:00

I thought I'd pop out a post on my new, gorgeous shiny laptop- Ruby.

Ruby is a red dell and fills me with glee.
I will leave you with this quality cartoon:

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Terrifying

2009-12-11T19:11:00.004Z

I'm probably last to the party with this but HELLS BELLS

Are charlie Boorman and Eddie Izzard twins? or THE SAME PERSON??

Has anyone seem them in the same room?

Its been a long time

2009-12-04T00:24:00.002Z

Contrary to newspaper accounts and Radio 4 news bulletins I am, in fact, Alive.

A chat with my erstwhile crimewriterist and bearded hero informed me that people actually read this blog so I thought "what the hell" and decided to post. I had previously considered re-posting on here but imagined it would be very much like singing in the shower, fun and acoustically rewarding but, at the end of the day, a solo activity- unappreciated by the general populace.

So!, I hear you cry, what have you been doing?! (said in the tone of my mother opening the front door to find me drunk with frozen margarita on my head and a parking ticket on my forehead)

I had a brief and none too fulfilling period of unemployment which left me with tattered nerves and an equally tattered mother, who had to put up with me lolling around the house in my dressing gown crying and generally losing what little of the plot remained. Following this I had a happy couple of months as a care worker for the elderly and merrily tootled about making tea and toast and wiping people. Happy days.

Now I'm back in Dundee on a masters course which is challenging, scary and not a little boring.

Some honest to goodness things that happened while I've been away:

I got facebook chat dumped by someone I wasn't going out with (As I pointed out to Russ, People are bypassing the relationship stage with me and going straight to the breakup)
I wiped poo on my nose and couldn't rid myself of the smell without sticking wetwipes up my nose
I have amassed a huge collection of urban pictures of no interest to anyone save me, and I've seen them already
I went to a book launch

The thrills, the spills.

an on that high note, goodnight

There and back!

2008-10-04T17:37:00.002+01:00

So I applied for a job teaching in the czech republic and actually got it. Much chuffedness on my part. I was going to a place called Liberec. It looked stunning.
I got all packed up and said my cheeri byes. I got my snake and tarantula rehomed. Took my library books back. Threw out unwanted guff lying in my room. Booked my flight.
With some trepidation I boarded the 7am flight Edinburgh to Prague. A delightful girl called Marta met me at the airport- she even had my name on a wee sheet of paper. Braw.
Tram into Prague and arrangements to meet with my boss on the monday morning to discuss my travel arrangements and subsequent departure to Liberec.
Which gave me two days in Prague. It was great. Beautiful. I loved the whole place.
I even discovered that my czech wasn't as bad as I thought. Dobre!
A few hours spent wandering round Prague- seriously people you could do worse.
The Pivo is wonderful. I cannot recommend it more. I spent a great evening in a welded together pub (seriously every part of it was welded together in a great industrial hades type thang) discussing various things with a delightful blond czech guy who was equally enthusiastic about moving to the UK.
I was having a great time.
So in to work on monday morning, a short metro hop and 10 minutes on the tram.
Bit of an interview, which went well. Then the bombshell
"We don't actually have a job for you anymore"
Gutted. They hadn't been able to fill the school and couldn't employ me.
They did offer me an alternative post- not enough hours to keep me and I'd have to stay in Prague. The London of Czech Republic. In cost and cleanliness.
I had to come home.
Several things have resulted from this jaunt.
The most important being-I'm a hell of a lot more confident about me and my abilities. When I got back I sent of a ton of CV's to environmental consultancies- Something I've never had the courage to do before.
I also got word that I'm being considered for a leonardo project placement abroad.
Life is not so bad.
taking the chance to move abroad: (owe my mum) £400
Proving you can do something you didn't think you could- priceless

Last night I raced an Easyjet plane....

2008-08-29T14:08:00.002+01:00

It won.
But it was brilliant fun, if only I had 2 jet engines instead of these wee legs I'd totally have beaten them. I blame the Bike. Rematch!
For anyone I've not spoken to I've turned into a Bicycle fiend. I love it. I never used to, Biking for me was relegated to the realm of the joggers and other arses. But I have joined the arse ranks and can be seen pedalling for my life along side Glasgow Airport runway (on the cycle track not the actual runway)
And my bike is beautiful. Its an Aluminium Hardtail, a special size to allow for my hight and after 6 years of neglect in the Garage it is now a gleaming thing of beauty, oiled and cared for. It's been dubbed (ironically) "La Poderosa III" after Che Guevara's motorcycle which took him around South America. While my Ponderosa might not manage the South American Continent it will hopefully manage the National Cycle Route 7 soon. My bike has also let me discover a WD40 craze within me and I can also be seen spraying WD40 liberally around while proclaiming it "miracle elixar" I'm this close to spraying it on myself to see if it helps my arthritic joints. My tin of WD is hidden at the moment- my mum is sick of hefting previously creaky doors only to discover they move at lightening speed and I've been threatened with a total WD ban should it happen again. No Fun.
Anyway I'm off out on my bike.

Can't blog! Dissertationing!

2008-08-04T19:30:00.006+01:00

Have a hampster pin up.
And this, which is how I feel.

Motorcycle Diaries

2008-07-10T20:42:00.003+01:00

I've been watching this excellent film recently. It's a blinder, I've also got the book which is also breathtaking. Its fantastic to read Ernesto Guevara before he became 'Che' and became the revolutionary leader. When he was still Ernesto- medical student and love lorn. I love that he didn't know what he was to become. It gives me hope. Not that I think that underneath this pallid exterior there will be a great revolutionary leader or something but just that maybe something good is just around the corner. Something I can't quite see yet but that maybe some of these shitty experiences I keep having are preparing me for something.
For those of you who know me you wont need told but I have been Many many years in education and I've covered a lot of ground academically. I've also got the '1 year unemployed' medal from the job centre. I'm not useless but I'm increasingly starting to feel it. My brain is slowing and I fear that I'm starting to listen to people with my mouth open. People ask me why I don't just pick up 'a wee job in a bar' and I'm too ashamed to admit that I've applied and heard nothing back. I have £60 a week to live on and I live at home with my mum. Its not really a life, more an existance. It sucks. and all I can do is hope that something, anything, will turn up and help me justify this semi transparent existance.

a small experiment

2008-06-06T01:31:00.002+01:00

First I just wanted to say that happily, monkey spanking man has not returned. We can all sleep safe.
Secondly I just gave up on internet explorer, it sucketh. I have started on Firefox and I'm a happy, happy, happy bunny. Firefox I love you. But for a small experiment I decided to make use of the handy parental controls available on Firefox and see how much of my web browsing is counted as 'off limits'
Frankly I'm amazed. I managed to get here alright but it seems I leap from one cesspit of a webpage to another, according to my parental controls. I only hope I remember the password to turn it off or we're all in trouble!

also...

2008-05-27T19:35:00.002+01:00

Thatgirls Real life life: a small snippet

Chapter 1

Your erstwhile heroine gets up from her desk and decides to have a sneaky wee peak out of her window, see whats happening outside, you know, as you do.She is one floor up.
Outside her window mothers are walking with toddlers, schoolgirls are giggling past her gate, a scene of neighbourly tranquillity.
Her gaze falls upon a small car parked outside the gate, the driver is in the car.
A moment of confusion from thatgirl, then a noise slowly escapes her lips....
"ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Chapter 2
The local police station

A lovely wee police helper is standing at the desk. I glide across and she smiles like an angel
"can I help you with anything?" a beaming smile.
"Yes", i say leaning across the desk confidentially.
"I'd like to report something"
She tries to look reassuring "can I take a few details?"
"Ok" I say, searching for words
"A man was parked outside my gate wanking like a monkey"
She looks at me, distressed. I smile.
"I'll get someone to talk to you"

Chapter 3

A small female PC has me in a converted Cell for interview/statement. Oh and for 'converted' read 'they took the bed out and put in a desk'.
She is questioning me.
"...And the man in the car, what exactly was he doing?" her pen is poised.
"well, I'd have to say he was wanking like a chimpanzee"
I relate details. Apparantly, according to PC Softly, most people don't notice what hand he was using. Or the other myriad of details I provide. Nor do they laugh like drains when reporting public indecency.
"I'm very observant" I tell her.
"yes" she squints and me "very"
"Just..." I shift a little "I'm only sorry I couldn't do more" I smile "I couldn't get my phone to video properly"......

Afterword: Next time I'm panning his car window in. then he can explain to strathclyde's finest why he was chugging away with schoolkids about.

So long?

2008-05-27T15:18:00.002+01:00

I was scooshing around my badger friend's blog when I realised he still linked here.
So I thought I would chuck a post up and try to get back into this. I miss the writing.

So do you see up the top under 'sprout appreciation' is says 'untrustworthy and a liar'?
I didn't write that.
My *insert tiny bit of sweary words* ex wrote that when he hacked into my emails and
stuff just before we split up. Now evidently he was on google too. It actually made me giggle because on my msn messenger 'quote' bit he had written "as long as our partners don't find out its fine"
I don't quite know how he managed to tap straight into my personal mantra but kudos.
He also printed out my emails and sent them to my mum so that should tell you what we're working with.
Several good things came outta this:
1. I now have a bound bundle of very rude emails to peruse at my considerable pleasure.(My mum never saw them) Its like a kinky book AND I'm in it!!!
2. I changed all my passwords, probably long overdue and not to silly ones.
3. I exercised restraint I didn't know I had and didn't use his paypal password.

Well now, my badger chum has his book coming out and I am really excited for him.
I just heard him on a podcast and dammit, if he didn't sound witty and intelligent! Its odd to hear him, not as my mate, but with his crime hat on, so to speak.
So everyone buy his book in November, its called 'The Good Son'

This has brought up an additional worry for me: The Book Launch.
I have been invited, and damned grateful I am too, but I tend to misbehave at these things and I really don't want to upset badger boy. As long as there's no Champers we should be safe.
If you happen to be along at the launch do us all a favour: For god's sake don't speak to me!

Belated Hogmany!

2007-01-19T16:12:00.000Z

What American accent do you have? Your Result: Boston You definitely have a Boston accent, even if you think you don't. Of course, that doesn't mean you are from the Boston area, you may also be from New Hampshire or Maine.
North Central
The West
The Midland
Philadelphia
The Northeast
The South
The Inland North
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Thanks To Jen Jordan for the quiz link. I like that I may have a boston accent even though I'm Scottish.

Things I've discovered today

2006-12-14T19:41:00.000Z

This Picture (Above)
3pm is a bad time to start academic work when it is due in at 10am the next day.

I'm a lazy, lazy wicked person.

It's difficult addressing some crimbo cards (to not have this problem don't send any) I.e your lecturer: First name only? "from" or "Love" or "best wishes". Its a mess. I hate crimbo.

It's pointless doing your hair when the weather is like this. I've ended up with a thatch instead of hair. It's like trying to brush a crash helmet or, to be seasonal, a crimbo tree.

It's pointless putting on make up on days like this. I look like an oil painting which has run. And not in a sexy pop art type way. More in a washed out hooker type way.

I really shouldn't be typing "things i've discovered" lists when my essay still isn't finished and its 8pm.

shit happens.

I'm unlikely to get higher than a desmond for my honours.This is all my own fault.

2 posts in one week!

2006-12-07T13:18:00.000Z

To begin, a joke:
Batman runs up to this guy and hits him with a vase shouting "t'pau!"
The guy says "don't you mean "kerpow?"
Batman says "no, I've china in my hand"
With thanks to the guy who writes in to the metro with jokes.

I've had a restorative coffee about an hour ago so I'm feeling chipper. And blogtastic...
My Christmas shopping is almost finished. By which I mean I've panic purchased in Boots the chemist and wrapped it up in my usual chewed up fashion. (Christmas was never neat). I hope my uncle likes the tights I've got him. They're ladder resistant.

THis weekend my mum is doing her room up so her freind is coming over to help and bringing his dog. I'm really excited. I love dogs. Especially this dog. It's a black and white collie and she's mental. AND she'll be in my house. Anyone who knows me should know of my mum's adversion to anything which might moult or dander inside the house. Hence I have snails. The dog gets an exemption though. It'll be great. *Next stop the pet shop for dog chew type treaty things*
Hmmm, what else has been happening?
I've been dropping lots of yule gift hints. I'm hoping for the post secret book, I love the site but hate that they disappear after a week. No other hinting been going on. I'm not that fussed over presents at christmas. Christmas pisses me off a bit. All these mentals on Tv and radio christmas is a christian celebration. No, its a pagan festival you stole. Like easter and halloween and all saints day and the majority of the individual saints days.
Bloody christians. (Hate mail can be left in the comments)
More on the pagan origins of Crimbo

Well I'm done.
Remember and turn the lights off before you go.
Beca

neon tetras riverdance?

2006-12-04T14:56:00.000Z

I've been told to start blogging again by Bulbboy so here's a post.
I met bulboy in his place of work and he said he liked my writing, which was odd. Not as odd as the nudie piccie of bulb boy on his blog, but still odd. *I see you zooming off to look*
Not that theres anything wrong with bulb boy nude, It's just that I've also seen Bulb boy's brother naked and there should only be one person per family that you see naked.

I have been away from blogger for a while as it's my honours year and I have difficulty remembering where I live, let alone think up something interesting to say to all you gorgeous people.
Life goes well with me. I am on an official drive to try to stop being a gloomy bumcheek so much. I'm the person you avoid in the corridor at work/college/school. The one you ask how they are and (horror!) they actually tell you- usually preceeded by a big *SIGH* .
Gloomy bumcheek indeed.

My little yellow snail is either a) Ill or b) In the huff and as I haven't said anything particularly offensive I'm assuming he's ill. In the case of ill snails you pretty much sit and see if they die. Happy energy this direction please!

I'm off to do work and will my snail to live.
Be the Awen.
Beca

afternoon delights

2006-09-24T19:45:00.000+01:00

Today I was invited for lunch with some people I know and their friends. What I didn't realise was that everyone would be bringing children of a Wide assortment of ages. Jeepers.
I try not to be tetchy about these things- it's someone elses choice to have kids etc etc.
But for me it really ends up like the smoking debate, I don't mind if you want to smoke just a)don't expect me to pay for it in any way and b)Don't waft your smoke near me.
Had I wanted to be irritated by kids I'd have actually lunched IN the wacky warehouse, chips balanced in the helter skelter.
I don't know how people cope. I can only assume you actually go insane during delivery or something. Constant screaming, crying moasning and shitting. I went a little mental myself.
As one small thing ran past brandishing a knife his mother looked at me and laughed, in the way dog owners laugh when their dog sniffs your dog's bum or something.
The hilarity.
I also found I have nothing to say to some people. Like, at all.
I find myself in an odd state in life. I'm 25, a studen,t and I've never actually had a longterm job. Or Kids. Nor do I holiday in Florida. Or Buy new cars. So I had nothing to talk to these people about. Theres a gulf. They don't care about biodiversity and I don't care that young billy said the funniest thing
Blah. roll on uni

Hello Scotland!

2006-09-15T12:42:00.000+01:00

Back again. To ramble.
Whats been going on? I hear you mumble before realising you clicked the wrong link and ended up here.
Well.
I have a week before I go back to uni for the all important Honours year. I'm kinda looking forward to it but I'm a bit wibbly at the realisation of how much work there'll be. I'd really like a good mark. And not to have a mental breakdown. High expectations indeed.

I let colin and graham go in the garden. Graham and colin being the two garden snails I took in for a while, Colin was a tiny baby and Graham had been chucked about and had some shell damage.
I reasoned that they'd be happier free and with a risk of being eaten than completely safe but stuck in a box. They were all healthy and fed up on calcium so they have a good chance of making it over the winter.

The boss snail in the picture is Igby. Now a giant.
I'm planning a whole host of jolly japes with him, any suggestions can be emailed to me. For a small fee I'll let him slurp across the object of your hatred's tea spoons, plates or toothbrush then I'll email them the pictures of him mid shlomp after they've used the offending article. Ask me for a quote.

On unrelated matters: Happy belated birthday to Stuart's lovely lady.
Alright to everyone else and Russ- fix my link on yer page. I'm not sproutappreciation.com.

2006-09-07T18:22:00.000+01:00

You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

Paganism

88%

Islam

75%

agnosticism

71%

Satanism

63%

Buddhism

54%

Hinduism

50%

atheism

38%

Judaism

33%

Christianity

21%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Wow

2006-09-07T18:01:00.000+01:00

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm.

You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels

as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual,

even if you are not religious.

Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative

69%

Materialist

69%

Postmodernist

63%

Existentialist

56%

Idealist

50%

Modernist

25%

Romanticist

25%

Fundamentalist

13%

What is Your World View?
created with QuizFarm.com

Bizarre. It's spot on. I mean seriously spot on. I'm actually in shock at how bang on it is. Who writes these things???
Cheers Russ

sad...

2006-09-05T21:22:00.000+01:00

Hey peeps.
yesterday I found out about steve Irwin dying.
I actually suprised myself by really feeling a mixture of shock and genuine sadness.
I thought he was invincible.
I thought back and realised how long I've been watching the guy. I remember watching the first tv show he ever did on uk tv, about deadly snakes. Then crocodile hunter the film and I'm a secret crocodile hunter diaries watcher too, tuning in most weekends.
Amazing
He was A rabid environmentalist and general ace type star.
I've been sitting realising that if I could, for a day, live with the amount of enthusiasm that he had during his entire life, I'd be happy bunny.
What an incredible legacy.

2006-08-19T09:13:00.000+01:00

The sexy new arrival: Dylan

why yes! I have had a stroke....

2006-08-15T15:56:00.000+01:00

Dentist today.
i seem to have some freakish bloodvessels going on in my mouth because the numb gum stuff made my tongue faint but still leave me with sensation in my gums *oyah!*
A double dose of the stuff left me very much feeling like I had a large wad of uncooked meat in my mouth and unable to talk.
Well, actually, I could talk I just chose not to as I sounded like I had a stroke. I was also managing a big lisp that made me sound like I had radio interference in my mouth.
Someone asked me for the time. I couldn't believe it. No one ever asks me for the time. Ever.
It couldn't have been a normal time either could it? Nope One o'clock would have been fine but no. It was twenty to two. If anyone remembers the Roy Hattersley puppet from spitting Image then I was very close to that.
Poor boy was drenched. I lisped "slorry" and he looked all sympathetic and said "its ok you can't help it"
Meaning I actually looked as big a spastic as I felt.

New Arrivals!

My Iredalei have turned up in the post yay!
For the uninitiated Iredalei are a type of land snail. They don't lay eggs which means it can live with igby without 'any of that nonsense' as my aunt would say.
As a bonus it's yellow. The whole snail is yellow. Gorgeous.
Pics coming soon

jeez

2006-08-12T14:16:00.000+01:00

So I'm house sitting today. It's become a bit of a habit these days. Random people throw house keys at me shouting "benidorm... fortnight... gerbil...mortice lock!" before they waft off and I can nibble their biccies, use their broadband and watch their cable tv. It's a hard life.
I really have to be careful on my internet forays though, I realise the internet seems to have some magic memory that can magic up sites that I've visited. Its distressing. Especially as all of the house owners have kids and I tend to look at NSFPWH (not suitable for people with humanity)
However, I have discovered that the people I'm house sitting for are not so careful.
Clicking in the box on google conjured up, basically, every single female actress you can think of with "naked" or "nude" suffixed or prefixed to their name. Oh and "courtney cox nip slip"
yes.
Indeed.
Makes my "M&M's up anus" search look positively tame.

Oi! nibblet!

2006-07-05T17:56:00.000+01:00

First I'd like to thank whoever it was who not once but twice tried to get into my blogger account, did you not realise that when you request the password it emails ME?? twat.

So I'm house sitting for the week and trying not to worry. (Those are two separate things)

The house sitting is nice, especially since they have a trampoline in the garden and I can leap about on it. Lovely Jubbly. Not so much jumping about today though, as the sun could bake you to the pavement so I'm hiding indoors.
I hate summer.

The trying not to worry part is because I seem to have nothing to worry about. And that worries me because I worry about not having something to worry, because I must have missed something, so rare is it for me to have nothing to worry about. So I'm trying to relax a bit and enjoy my break. And not worry. Which is hard.
On a plus note the house I'm staying at has cable so I'm "most haunted" every night at midnight. Except last night which was like most haunted-athon night and I had 2 and a half hours of the ranting mental nonsense.
I really don't think anything beats Yvette Fielding shitting her pants in the dark.
"Did you hear that creak?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
hahahahaa
Run Fielding Run.
*snigger*

alright?

2006-06-20T19:50:00.000+01:00

Hey troops.
Its me. Excuse me, I mean its me- BSc.
Indeedy, I have passed the degree with Distinction. Thats not just my opinion btw, it's what it said on the letter I recieved from the uni. I'm a chuffed bunny. Yay for me *waves little flag*

I've seemed to have gone into a little hibernation so I apologise for the silence.
I have, however, been taking pictures a lot over the last couple of day's and popping them on my flickr account, I'm kinda chuffed with some of them. I usually hate my pictures but I've been trying to crop them properly and making an effort. A few people have been looking at them so I've got a tiny bit of encouragement that no-one has said " what crap pics!". They've not actually said anything at all but I'm taking the silence positively.
If you want a look- clicky.

I'm HOW old??

2006-06-09T19:28:00.000+01:00

Jeez thats old.
Time loadsa things here
Thanks to Bulb boy for this one.

news and Chat

2006-05-25T12:32:00.000+01:00

I have time to chat just now.... FOR I HAVE HANDED IN ALL MY DEGREE WORK.
All in. Barring shit results and natural disasters I will be a BSc.
I thought I'd be happy but dammit, I just want to cry and curl up into a ball. I hope a feeling of joy will arrive soon. This has taken long enough and I'll be damned if I'm gonna feel miserable.

So... Chat.
My very favorite TV programme is back on, the untempered JOY that is the Beechgrove Garden is now gracing our screens again. The very staple of scottish gardening has been on for 20 years and I've watched it all. Seriously. Ask my mum.
Alan Titchmarsh and Monty Don- pee off! Beechgrove kicks ass. A programme which shows us what we can really plant up here is just ace. Monty Don and his tender perennials. Ptcha! wouldn't last the night up here mate. What you want is something HARDY, like heather(who, incidentally, does the weather).
This week they are trialing 'lady cucumbers' which sounds to me like something lesbians would subscribe to. If you are in the BBC scotland area I urge you to watch.
I think this may be the year i will visit the field of dreams, Aberdeen here I come!

The weather just now is glorious. The past couple of nights the sunset has been like the golden angelic choir have been doing a dress rehearsal outside my window but I couldn't look, for I was typing. But now I shall go and frolic and possibly Gambol if my knee holds up.

What a nice day.

Good evening sports fans!

2006-05-19T12:49:00.000+01:00

I have replaced the blessed soon to be sainted Ipod with a Sony walkman.
20G of purple delight. Isn't it lovely?
I'm quite chuffed but pretty damn annoyed at Apple's attitude toward the battery issue- pretty much "ha ha ha we have your money" sums it up.
Boycott ipod thats all I can say.

Slipped away after a brief illness.

2006-05-10T13:38:00.000+01:00

I am in mourning.
It happened so quickly I almost can't believe it.
Here and then gone.
A simple slip is all it took for my ipod to die.
His corpse is in my bag as I type. Poor ipod. You didn't deserve this.
I thought I could change the battery myself and I killed you.
Service to be held thursday at 1. No flowers please.

This ain't Musak.

2006-05-08T11:54:00.000+01:00

As you know, I don't move without my headphones in. It's the only thing I do regularly is listen to music. I have a new dealer. A new way of pumping my veins with the lucious stuff.
So-If you like a bit of music, new stuff and something new I wholeheartedly recommend
The Tartan Podcast
No need for itunes or owt. Just clicky play and you can listen.
You might find something you like.
I found The Calamateurs. And they fucking rock.
I'm also on Myspace. Shut it. I go for the music.

skeleton bob cometh!

2006-05-04T15:31:00.000+01:00

So the badger snuffled outta his sett and managed to get my skeleton Bob prize through to me.
And Lo! it is magnificent. I thought I looked quite special in my hat but to have it confirmed by Skeleton Bob is an honour indeed. Much framing of pics shall ensue. Though I didn't like the way special was in these little ' things: 'special', suggesting I have a bus come to get me for the day centre...
But the fun didn't stop there...oh no.
I got an envelope. AND Cat hair AND some dead Ficus leaves AND a book which had been scribbled in. AND i didn't win the euromillions. But the thought was there.
The cat hair triggered my hayfever a couple of weeks early but a runny nose couldn't stop me enjoying my prize..no no
One swift phone call to the badger confirmed that those indecipherable squiggles are in fact authors signatures-Jeez peeps, they're pretty bad. I'm gonna scan in the signature page and kudos to anyone who can get some of those names nailed. Thank custard for word processing thats all I'll say.
I gotta prize!! I gotta prize!!
Thanks Uncle Stuart!
Oh and wanking featuring in the first PAGE of the book? Classy.

Something I saw on google.

2006-04-28T13:01:00.000+01:00

If someone wants a sheep, then that means that he exists. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Interesting theory, especially as I would love to have a sheep.
Hmmmm.
Discuss

Can I have stripes?

2006-04-26T15:19:00.000+01:00

Lifesaving penguin Jumpers

The future?

2006-04-23T19:40:00.000+01:00

Writer mag
Originally uploaded by Sprout appreciation.

Oh, this peppers my asparagus. I love the internet.

Clicky to make it bigger, save it- pass around, whatever.

49%

2006-04-20T17:38:00.000+01:00

Thats what I got for an essay retuned to me today.
Which begs the question- "is that the best you can do?"
and if not, what happened?
With nothing else BUT Uni to do 49% is a fucking atrocious mark. Especially for 3rd year. I'm supposed to have a degree in 3 weeks. And that kind of a mark is coming back to me.
Which begs the question- "Is it time to accept that, although you'd love to be, you aren't, any kind of environmental manager?"
Is it time to cut my losses and run. Put it down to experiance and have the guts to say " I'm just not good enough"
The bitterest part of today has been that, in true cliche fashion, I've just let myself down- Where do you run to when it's your own self who's looking at you with poorly disguised disgust?

So where to now? I'm finding it harder and harder to pick myself up off the floor these days. And I'm so close to this degree, this thing that I've been aiming for , for so long, I don't want to fuck up, but I have no past acheivements to look back on. This would be it. My big acheivement in life, and so many people supporting me. And I'm going to let them all down.

Dangerous Dave

2006-04-14T22:53:00.000+01:00

Dave's hutch
Originally uploaded by Sprout appreciation.

Just for Russ: heres your fav bunny enjoying some grass.
I've popped a few more up on Flickr.

Not ONE?

2006-04-14T19:06:00.000+01:00

There's something distressing about not getting any comments when You've posted something on the blog. Very distressing indeed.
Almost as distressing as realising that I can't for the life of me spell 'definitely'. I always get in there with the 'e' in the wrong place. That bloody 'e' I hate it. I can't even think of a word like 'definitely'.
'almost positive' perhaps? Nope, it's not happening.

Now if I could just breathe through my nose....

Welcome to my world of the Spring Cold. It hid itself as hayfever but proved unresponsive to antihistimines. Fear not! it was beaten down by St Lemsip of the blessed lemon.
But it has not left. It is merely hiding and making me bogey lots and make "snooork" noises though my nostrils and wake up feeling like a big hairy wallaby has kipped in my mouth.
GO AWAY COLD!

no!!! really?

2006-04-11T19:52:00.000+01:00

You make my chain mail rust

I wandered over to Russ' blog for a bit of a looksie at what he's been up to. Not much apart from a bit of misdirection on his part. I did, however, find out that Mark Billingham someone russ rattles on about a fair amount was in the fanastic "Maid Marion and her merry men"- A much beloved show of me as a yoof. That changes everything. What a show. God lurv it. Sorry Mr Billingham, I've not read any of your books yet but I did fancy you when I was 14. It was the mud and the gormless expression.

Now THATS fancy!

I got posh pants. Nice posh pants with little ribbony bits in acute girly bow at the front. I zipped my trousers up, With the girly ribbony bits ON THE OUTSIDE of the zip. I wonder why I'm getting horrified/admiring looks. Look down. I appear to have dreadlocked pubes.
I rock.

hey ho!

2006-03-30T13:21:00.000+01:00

Hey gang-a-lang
how goes it.
I hope Jen doesn't mind me using the picture i stole off of her website.
I say stole. I Borrowed it. I'll give it back. Honest.
I love this picture though. Its like "rarrrrr!"
hehehe

spring has sprung

2006-03-20T18:20:00.000Z

Solstice Greetings!
Happy solstice peeps!
It is in fact the start of spring. We just need to get someone from the met office to tell nature and we'll be all set. hooray for spring- everyone rush outside and look for a daffodil! Quick!

Badger badger here comes the Badger

I've been informed by Russel that he's managed to negotiate the perilous and winding road back from Bristol, along with my Skeleton Bob prize from Stuart. I wonder if he's managed to drink himself into ill health as good as he managed in Chicago? That was pretty sick. I hope he recovers soon (and gets my stuff posted off!)

Care in the community
My mate Bob has just moved into a new house in Perth. Hope its a smooth move Bob!
Bob is another one in a long line of my successful mates who put me to shame. (He's the lawyer btw) I hope to go up and visit soon and hang a curtain at his front door and examine his tea making facilities.

sorry to all!

2006-03-16T14:47:00.000Z

Skeleton Bob

Having just re-read that last post I realised I sounded particularly pathetic and petulant and, since I'm alliterating so much, Pants. I apologise. I was trying to be cool and I made a crap post.
I'm excited about getting my skeleton Bob picture through from the great Mcbeard in the sky. I don't usually win anything so my joy is doubled. Yay!

Impending Destruction

One guy out my class, hereby known as fannybaws, has gotten himself an interview for a planning job with the council (Names withheld to protect the mental). Good for him you might be thinking but frankly if he gets this job it's going to be one of those unnatural paradigm thingies and mankind's programming will be erased. He's such a Poop. I can't take much more.

Success and lack of it

I've recently noticed an awful lot of folks who I knew from school* and they are doing TREMENDOUSLY well. I react with a mixture of hostilitly and bitterness, mainly from a selfish angle. I don't grudge them success but what the hell's wrong with me?? I wish I had some drive to do something-ANYTHING! But I don't. Another stick to beat myself with.

* This is one of them's site. Its a music thing which was her idea and now her company.

Joy Joy

2006-03-15T11:25:00.000Z

Well, I won The McBeardie's competition.
I am going to be the proud owner of an ORIGINAL Skeleton Bob.
At this point I'd like to thank the photographer, the shop from which the Clincher of a bowler hat came from and of course my fans, who support me all the way.
Yesterday was shaping out to be a fucking doozy of a day. A really pisser. But then quickly ended on a shiny point with Badger boy phoning to tell me of my win.
I'm pleased because I can look more fucking stupid than anyone else. Yay For Me

I thought I'd chuck this up...

2006-03-02T12:57:00.000Z

It's been so long since I embarrassed Russ.
Enjoy!

bye bye

2006-02-24T10:36:00.000Z

Russ, sorry. I removed you as a team member for sprout appreciation.
Things haven't been going well between us and you never talk here anymore, I feel like I'm alone. And now I've found out. You've been seeing another blog *sniff* (I promised myself I wouldn't cry) I hope your happy with that slut of a blog you've taken up with.
I've left your stuff online. I suggest you come get it before my snail eats it.

A Nasty case of BPE

2006-02-22T11:29:00.000Z

Yesterday I woke up with an eyeball that resembled a big pink blancmange. (I seriously hope thats the correct spelling. Never have I encountered a word like it)
So I went in to the optician fearing eye loss AT THE VERY LEAST. A gaping maw etc.
She diagnosed, however, bacterial Conjunctivitis. Or BPE*
So, I'm not allowed to wear my contact lenses until saturday. Disaster.
I've not worn glasses for 6 years now. I'm stumbling like a fool and falling down stairs**. Worst of all people are looking sidelong at me as I peer at them like Aunty Jan at christmas asking why you STILL don't have a girlfriend (are you one if them? Elsie at the club's son is and he wears pink shirts!)
I feel like a twock***
I miss my contact lenses.

*Big Pink Eye
** and over things, small children and pets
*** Look footnotes!

Get OFF THE PAVEMENT

2006-02-16T09:48:00.000Z

Rant alert!
When are cyclists going to realise that the pavement is not where you belong??
(Except if you have stabilisers and some cartoon character on both your bike, helmet and masses of padding and no cognitive action)(Russel the exception)
Now, I've just got mildly annoyed up till now and made do with shouting at their rapidly retreating backsides. But today the ultimate insult. i heard the "ahem" of an embarrassed cyclist behind me. They're usually unwilling to make eye contact BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY'RE WRONG but today I turned round to do my "see the little green path at the side of the road? thats a cycle lane. See that thing between your legs? Not that, yep, that. ITS A BICYCLE.
It was a bloodly mountain bike police man. Biker police uniform, helmet and black bike with police written on it. And he was wobbling like a toddler. I couldn't believe it. He had the decency to look apologetic at least. But what an example.

Ok tell me why I'm wrong...

2006-02-15T08:51:00.000Z

(But only on this- not generally, right Russel?)
Ok, I hoved on over to Ian Rankin's website
Now, I'm not the best at written english but I always thought if a name or something ended in 's' then you didn't need to add another one when it's an ownership thing.
On Rankin's website it says Rebus's Scotland. I thought it should be Rebus' Scotland.
I'm not picking holes- just trying to keep myself right. Please leap in and tell me why I'm wrong.

Valentines

Well the day is over, did you all have fun?
I got a bear. Just a toy one not a grizzly but it did manage to fufil an ambition for me. Bear Factory, where it came from were supplying free Underwear with your bear and mine came with two attractive pairs of pants. One pair for the bear and one pair *claps excitedly* FOR THE SHEEP.
Yep I have a small toy sheep in white pants.
That made valentines for me.
Oh and someone bought me the bear, I wasn't just trying to buy a friend.
Right?

everyone else has one!

2006-02-12T18:05:00.000Z

Here's my word cloud. Brilliantly there are a couple of swear words AND (and this is the best and!) two manic laughter bits. TWO!!
fantastic.

Valentines day Approacheth!

2006-02-09T12:46:00.000Z

So I thought I would post a few Ideas for a green valentines day.
Every year over 100 million crappy cards go into our waste dumps, not being recycled or unable to be recycled because they are laminated or some such nonsense.
When did we start saying "I love you" with expensive, mass produced cards that, lets face it, suck anyway??? Is this kind crap going to get us Laid? NO!
Consider:
"Here darling, I chose a shit card with false sentiment because, lets face it, I don't have the britches to sort out something original"
I can almost hear the pants hitting the floor.
Roses (the flowers), are out too, sorry; They are mass produced overseas with gallons of pesticides and use what amounts to slave labour.They are then flown across the globe adding to the Co2 problems. (And speaking as a girl, are as banal as they come)
So lets try to be a little more original on the day.
However, I realise most folk are unsure about straying from the beaten path,
So for the unoriginal and uninspired amoungst us (me included) I have provided some links:
Ideas for cards and what to do with them after the day.
Craftser: I quote from the site "If you've been known to run with scissors, cavort with your fellow rebel DIY'ers here" excellent site.
I'll add more as I find them.
Enjoy!

thats just not cricket

2006-02-08T10:26:00.000Z

I woke up yesterday morning with a spot on my nose. A huge spot. Etna-esque.
I have several issues with this spot:
I'm 25. My days of teenage plooks are finished. It's one of those spots. The juicy painful kind. Has no-one informed my skin that I'm no longer at school?
It's been ages since I had the urge to wear my fringe over one side of my face to hide a beezer of a spot.
bloody spots.

I'm not a hippy.

2006-02-06T14:33:00.000Z

I've been gone a long time. I can only apologise. Profusely.
So I thought I would write occasionally about things that concern me. And ultimately you too, as I'm not just gonna write about how I have to shave my belly button or how I got curry paste on the kitchen surfaces and they won't scrub clean.
Nope- I'm gonna go slightly political on you all.
Now, I can hear footsteps running for the door so just wait right there. You came here and you can just wait.
Now: Some background. I'm a student (If you're gonna throw stuff, throw food) and I study aspects of environmental things. Planning law, sustainable development and the like. I also have some opinions on things too. Though you would think looking at me I would have difficulties getting both feet in separate pant legs in the morning. (pants as in knickers btw. Not trousers. Trousers are trousers. Pants are silly)
So I get angry about some stuff and I leave it off the blog. But I've changed my mind.
This morning I listened to a debate on radio scotland about sustainable energy.
I have to say, a lot of milk sloshed out of my fruit n fibre in fury so you can guess that I wasn't too impressed. I don't think enough people are taking this seriously. We are headed for a major, major fuck up. NIMBY's (Not In My Back Yard's) are having a very detrimental effect on our future ability to live.
"Build wind farms" is one proposal. Just not there. Or there. Or here. Or over there say the NIMBY's. and the RSBP reckon that windfarms are gonna nicely chop passing rare species. Plus wind power isn't reliable.
Any other options?
Nuclear power.(Just to be clear here I'm highlighting sustainable power sources- not coal, oil or the other fossil fuels. They've had their day)
So then Friends of the Earth (I'm obviously just an aquaintance of the earth)say "No more Nuclear stations" and they highlight nuclear waste and all the associated fears that go with nuclear power.
All have their detractors. All have supporters. But I think we need to all do some reading and learning because we HAVE to come up with some form of solution. So go do some learning, find out. Because I promise you: this is an issue you will have to come to terms with. All of us. Regardless of where you live.We all have a responsibility to this planet.

I thought I'd also include some fun links for little environmental things to do too. I might do them first and let you know how I got on. How does that sound?

Ahah ahahah hahahahahah hahahahahahaha`

2006-01-13T20:14:00.000Z

snigger chortle thrice snigger.
Much rummaging for compost and pots

Ebay we love you

gosh what a shiny year-is it new?

2006-01-04T17:06:00.000Z

Hello Happy bloggers!
Well, how's the new year going? Mine started slow but is getting going now.
I went for a run today as part of my " I can't bare to look at myself like this" fitness drive. So running it was, with assorted pockets of me making a noise like "hnuck hnuck" as I tried to drag air in to my collapsing lungs. Great! Except for the little dog I nearly thumped. It was so low down and I am so high. Happily it got out my way with only minor rib trauma (to the dog)

Last night I was particularly happy because I came up with an Idea for a crime type story which I was so happy with that I got up from my bed (not usual for me) and made notes- detailed notes, which I think I'll make into the short story later. This was unusual for me as I never have ideas and NEVER make notes. So we'll see how that goes. Strangely I'm quite excited and curious about how it'll turn out.

Several people seem to be doing a "best of" posting but I'm thinking about it.

Stuart McBride has a fairly comprehensive "last year" list, I recommend the bloody eyelid post. Ace! (I've offered to be a groupie for the great bearded one, I even have a badge with "stalker" on it- surely a qualification!)
Badgerman has a very sweary review of last year, but being the media whore that he is its mainly films and books, nothing personal on it. (I'm already a groupie for Russ, I think even before he had a book written, maybe he could write me a reference)

I have a plan. I may do a 2006 wish list. Haha! take that!

have a good one when it comes

2005-12-31T21:40:00.000Z

Another year. Jeez. It only feels like yesterday that I was trying to think of excuses to allow me to go to bed and avoid the whole shennanegans.
I thought about doing a bit of a "best of" but I can't actually think of much to write. How depressing does that sound?
I spoke to one of my friends tonight who mentioned "new year syndrome" to me. I think we all know several people who suffer from NYS. It's essentially people who really can't stand Hogmanay- they tend to get depressed and/or angry. I just can't be bothered, which I think falls into the NYS definition, I'm not sure.
I'm sitting here, typing, (obviously) and thinking "I just want to sleep" I really think I'd like to join in with all the joyous people but I really don't think that us here in scotland are programmed for happy stuff, we're of the "you'll pay for this later" mind set. So Instead of thinking "great, another year of opportunity and who knows what!" I think "Shit, another chance for me to get a kicking" which is a shame because I'm secretly looking forward to the new year.

Ok, to end on a happy note, here's some things that went well for me this year:
*I passed all of my uni stuff and made it into third year.Hooray!
*I got my sexy rabbit back from my friends parents back garden, Dave rocks, go Dave!
*I got a job and stuck at it, made some cash and met nice people. Go Cash!

Some of my friends did really well this year too:
Russ got accepted by an agent and looks to have a book coming out, woohoo Russki!
Bobbert is now a REAL lawyer after 7 years or something of working at it, wayhay Bobbert!
Steve got a real job too and works for the scottish executive, Al is now a tax inspector. Yay everyone!

So happy hogmanay everyone, see you next year
Beca
xxx

tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joyyyyyyy

2005-12-21T12:58:00.002Z

Cos you all got a blog tracker

2005-12-16T22:06:00.000Z

I decided to get one. A tracker so I could see if people did actually come near the old blog. And they do! Wow.
I also found I got a search engine string thing. Like where you all get "humping zebras" and things in yours I got:

"windy city is mighty pretty but i
t ain't got what we got"

I say no more.

quick and easy, the way I like it

2005-12-13T14:56:00.000Z

Hell, it made me laugh!
Double Entendres

nearly nearly finished

2005-12-12T14:21:00.000Z

All over, nearly

Well, my brief flirtation with the world of work ends tomorrow.
I have to take down my interesting bug pictures and pack up my desktop plants.
It is indeed a sad day.
And time! what a lot of time! What will I do?? No uni for 4 weeks! what will I do? Cos I'm lazy, very very lazy. I tend not to go outside or do anything if I'm off on holiday or whatever. I have no hobbies or activities that make me think "yay, I can't wait to leave the house!!!" I try to find stuff to do but then I just feel like I'm making myself so stuff and I hate it even more. A pickle indeed.
So I need to think up some things to do over my break that will be productive and interesting. Get me out the house and moving around. Gee I sound about 80.
If anyone has any ideas chuck me an email.

Porn

Not really but I thought It would keep you reading a bit longer.
So the Christmas tree went up last night. For all you environmentalists out there, its better to get a real tree, support a local sustainable grower and then recycle it at the end of christmas. NOT PLASTIC. they are satans instruments. Avoid.
The tree looks pretty good in the living room, all twinkly and stuff. Makes me more aware of my cold lumpy heart and I wonder why I'm not in with all the happy people currently romping around Sauchiehall Street just now. But that aside I really need to get some presents. I have two so far. I think I need about 9 or 10. It'll get done soon.

And...I'm done

Cheerio!

Cheers Big ears

2005-12-09T21:30:00.000Z

Ta

Thanks for the replies peeps, I'm always curious about writer types, they always seem a different breed. Like people who stick pins in themselves for pleasure, I can't understand why you do it. But I love the books so I'm glad you do.

Info for Jennifer Jordan (and all wannabe George Strokers)

George is from a small island called Pinta, Part of the Galapagos Archipelago. A bit about George Here
You can fly to the Galapagos for $330 in the low season with these people
Some lettuce growing here
Cuddles are free!

nearly there

2005-12-05T14:24:00.000Z

This is lonesome George. He's the only one of his species left anywhere in the world.

Are you my friend?
I'm not sure that I've told all my friends that I like them. That I like all their weirdness and quirks and shouty shoutyness. (I had a good think about it on the bus on the way in to work)
Some of them have strange badger tendencies. Some of them are lawyers. Some of them phone you up after a year and suprise you as you're making a coffee. One of them even makes mutants by poking at DNA. Some of them have picked a path and stuck to it, even though it wasn't the easiest thing to do. Some of them go out and help people for their job. Some of them haven't had it easy.
They're all different and all fab. (And they talk to me which I like too) In fact I'd go as far as to say I'm blindingly proud of them all. You know who you are.
(If I don't know you then you can leave me a comment to say why I should be blindingly proud of you too)

Questions:
Can I ask writer types a question? Or folk who work from home/for themselves?
Ok, when you leave work to write full time (or whatever) do you find it difficult to actually sit down and write? like, are you naturally writerly or is it dragged kicking and screaming into being?? are there any naturally lazy writers out there?
Do you schedule writing? how long did the books take to write?
Badger McLean and Beardy McBride (if i can use first names) I'd be particularly interested in hearing from youz ones.

tell me doctor... is it bad?

2005-11-29T09:04:00.000Z

As you all know I got a bit tattootastic a fortnight or so ago. Part of the healing means i have to put moisturiser on the tattoo to stop it going icky. As I am Paranoid about having an icky leg I have been faithfully moisturising.
So the other day I'm sitting on my bed in shorts and I glanced down in the dim light at my leg... And It looked like there was smeared blood around my tattoo. So I panics (as you do) I'm thinking 'Infection? Ripped it open??? blood borne disease????? aghhhh' Actually the "aggghhh" was out loud. Just to be picky.
So I leap up testing how warm my leg is (heat is sign of infection) well panicked at this point. Get a bright light on to do a thorough check. The smeared blood is, well, kind of brown and my brain's going 'wow, thats fucked' Then I realise...
When I was at home I had grabbed the first moisturiser to hand a few times. Johnstons "holiday skin"...with gentle tanning action.
My tattoo looks like a little like David Dickinson. Unlike him though, it's fading fast.

You Are a Little Scary

You've got a nice edge to you. Use it.

How Scary Are You?

addictive clock

2005-11-25T21:41:00.000Z

this clock is ace
let people tell you the time!!

This gets rude!

2005-11-25T20:09:00.000Z

So I thought I would tell you all what I've been watching through the joys of the internet.
I watched a lady insert not one, but TWO fingers up a guy's pee hole. Now I don't just mean finger tips- I'm talking right in to the middle knuckles.
As I watched this I realised several things:
1> Distorted View is possibly the funniest podcast on the planet (Dickhole guy is a link from the DV website-you can listen to DV daily now through the site link, you don't even need itunes!)
2> Without the internet I would know nothing. Absolutley NOTHING. Nada, Zilch.
3> I'm almost totally desensitised to these things.I would like to say I was shocked and horrifed at the video clip but it was more a mild "ew!" than a "Fucking hell, aggghghghg this man is a freak!!!!!" type thing. That slightly worries me. But not much.
4>How did I fing things out before Google?
So I was thinking about censorship on the internet.- I had a barney with someone recently about this. I really wouldn't like any kids to see the kind of fucked up shit that I see. I really wouldn't. I think it might do damage (clang clang) but where does the responsibility lie? I go for the opinion that: if you don't want your kids to see these things then YOU better make sure that you gotta a damn good parental control thing happening there.Censorship from the parental angle. I mean, you wouldn't let a kid go buy a porn mag so control them on the pooter, fuck it.
The flip side of this argument is that this sorta thing shouldn't be allowed on the net at all and should be regulated etc. Very difficult, from all aspects. But I say hey!, freedom of speach in all areas. But then I realise that I might be sticking up for all sorts of shit things that I despise: Paedophiles, Beastiality, rape. To name but a shitty few. Its a scary area. So then I have to amend it and say freedom of speach (but no illegal shit).It gets too scary and I retreat back into my little hole.
To give you and idea of whats out there, cos you are all nice boys and girls and you don't look at twisted stuff, On my net trawlings I've looked at: naked chicks and dudes, corpses (varying stages of decomposition), porn,dickhole guy, fat ugly naked people who post pictures of things on ebay with their willy reflected in it (kettles are a favorite). Sites with more swearing that I could shake a fucking stick at.
And I say "Internet- thank you"
Links available on request.

My new tattoo

2005-11-17T18:29:00.000Z

My new tattoo
Originally uploaded by Sprout appreciation.

Just a sneak preview at my ankle as of today, The pink of the shell will fade into gray- The spiral was bleeding and the blood got tattoo'd in with the shading *ouch!*

Art?

2005-11-17T12:44:00.000Z

Using FAA stuff this artist makes beuatiful moving images plotting Aeroplane Flight Paths. Its like watching fireworks or something. Absolutley great

Flight Patterns

And then Chewbacca got on the bus...

2005-11-17T09:38:00.000Z

Well, it was cold this morning. Very cold. The outdoor temp sensor I have was registering -3oC. Thats pretty bloody cold.
In this seasonally frozen day a few people obviously decided to go for the cozy factor when travelling. An assortment of puffa jackets and solid looking woollens arrived on the bus going in to Glasgow, everyone warm and toasty, the occasional "tisk" when some poor girl got on as she must have though she actually lived in Barbados and Not Scotland and a mini skirt and SANDALS were appropriate. (Keep in mind here that folk were having to scrape their car out from under a glacier). Then the best coat in the planet got on the bus and all attention was diverted. From the title you can probably guess what it looked like. Chewbacca. With curling tongs. It was, simultaniously, the best and worst coat ever. Furry, Large and almost matched the lady's hair, so you weren't quite sure where the coat ended and her head began. Some wag at the back of the bus (Is that a written law that the mouthy witty people go to the back?) started loudly humming the 'star wars' theme. Luckily she couldn't hear him, she had a coat in her ears.

Wow

The planet looked a beautiful place from where I was sitting today. A lovely mist had formed and a golden sun lit everything fantastically. It was one of those days when you think "wow, how lucky am I to see this?"

(photo from Prairie Roots)

how shameful...

2005-11-15T09:11:00.000Z

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

2005-11-12T12:26:00.000Z

The Pork Chop Express.

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks Russ I am a b movie badass I've never heard of.

For goodness sake!

2005-11-08T09:55:00.000Z

So Blair wants green issues at the front of his parliamentary Plans? Well, he'd better get this sorted then eh?

dammit, you went over the lines!

2005-11-01T11:55:00.000Z

In the course of my internet browsing looking for agricultural information I came across.... Ram Crayons!
Now, for those of you who live more rural than us I apologise if it's old news to you but jeez, this is funny. Basically you get your Ram (male sheep for those who really don't know) and you put a little harness on him. Attached to the harness at the front is your Ram Crayon. Then when he 'serves' (see I do learn from these sites) your lady sheep he kinda, colours in on her back. D'you see, d'ya?? huh? huh? Oh god how I laughed, but! for all you lot saying "how purile, laughing at sheep" I was actually thinking of the human application for all this. So...here's my idea.
You get your partner (male,female,unknown whatever) and you suspect them of cheating. So you sew my PATENT PENDING REVOLUTIONARY BUTTON on to their top, shirt, blouse, thong whatever. The button is actually a pad impregnated with ultraviolet ink. So whoever you suspect they're smooshin with you'll point my Patented UV torch (£40) at them and GLOW!!!!! you're busted sucker. I think I'll quit my job now. I'm gonna be rich!
Either that or you pop something fungal down their pants and see who's itching later. I'd go with that. Ram crayons :-)
heehe on a related note theres these things called pig slappers.....

I go a bit lobbyist on you

2005-10-26T15:10:00.000+01:00

Right, now I don't normally do this but I hope you'll all forgive me this time...
At the moment in the uk the animal welfare laws are not a kick in the arse off of 100 years old and they are really, really poor. The RSPCA and SSPCA have a problem. They may be the prevention of cruelty to animals societies but they have no power to help animals who are not cared for properly they can only advise then step in after the animal begins to suffer, by which point its often too late for elderly or particularly young animals. There is no legal duty of care for pet owners in the Uk, Picture dogs chained outside in all weathers and horses in a state-The welfare societies can't do anything until the suffering starts and I think you'll all agree, pet owners or not, that this really isn't on. So basically I'm asking you to consider signing the petition the RSPCA have on their website which is lobbying MPs to support the new, super improved animal welfare bill which will be introduced in this parliamentary session. It'll only take a minute to sign online.
If you really wanted to be my hero you could email your MP- Just a short one, as the bishop said to the nun- and the RSPCA site will even give you pointers for what to write. If you aren't sure please just take a minute to read the facts, its hard to believe it's modern Britain.
Go on... I'll be your best friend forever :-)
RSPCA SITE

How difficult can this be?....seriously

2005-10-24T10:03:00.000+01:00

VERY

I find this blogging lark exceedingly difficult, as I was discussing recently with the esteemed Mr Mclean on the phone.
I get angry about something and I think, "I know, I'll blog it"
By the time I think it through and sit down at the computer I've ran out of steam and can't imagine why anyone would want to read my innane rants.
So I end up feeling strangly impotent, I have it all here in my head but can't get it blogged. I think it might be something to do with my illiteracy. I read a book a day but can't actually effectively write anything down, you should see my essays from uni, I can discuss a subject perfectly with the lecturer but my essays are the written equivelent of "ughhhhhhhhhhhh".
This is why I get very jealous of Russel. He can communicate with people so well through his writing and I really envy him.
Even realising recently that Stuart McBride has read my blog a few times makes me feel crappy. I respect him as an author ('Cold Granite' fucking Rocks, not just rocks-but fucking rocks) then he shmoozes over here and reads my pathetic musings.How embarrassing is that?
I think I need practice.

And then...

SO I thought I would tell you about what I've been doing in the last wee while.
Sunday was Mum's birthday so she buggered off out and I went to Borders on the actual day. She got a present though! I ended up getting her mad aromatherapy hand cream made by a proper apothecary. £15!!! For hand cream!!!! I'd want new hands for £15, or at least some kind of skin graft, but it was her birthday so we'll ignore that for now. She had wanted a copy of Stuart McBrides new book instead but it took me a while to explain that I'd probably have to break into the publishers with a balaclava and a glass cutter to obtain a copy right now. Maybe for Christmas. Or Yule, as I'm celebrating this year.
Saturday was the Craft Fair at the SECC which we seem to traditionally go to for mums birthday. All went well until I bought a little snail badge type thing. It's really realistic, wet looking etc. I noticed when I tried to pin it on that the pin part wasn't as sturdy as it could have been. Cue disappointment 10 minutes later when I realised it was no longer attached to my jacket.So back to the stall to tell them how shoddy their badge was and the lady tried to show me how a pin works!! To say I was angry is an understatement. So as usual the anger got the better of me and I shook, felt sick, went slightly blind and tried to talk, failing miserably. I would tell you what I said but I can't actually remember.Thats how bad I get. I don't shout or anything, I just kind of crumble inwards. I walked away but a little while later my mum caught up with me and had got me a new badge *nice*
According to her freind she had also had a go at the stall holder, discussed how shoddy it was with all the people round the stall and cancelled an order her work had with the owners of the stall that lost them A LOT of money. (Think an order for 800 badges at £7 a badge) I love my mum.
Thats been about it. I trained as an Eco schools assessor on Friday but you wouldn't be interested in that....

the wheels on the bus go....

2005-10-19T10:16:00.000+01:00

*....nowhere at fucking all.*
Today my bus journey took an hour and a half. Normally it takes 20-25 mins. I was stuck in 'commuter traffic'
It was miserable, especially sat besid ethe woman who seemed to think that I was a ghost, or at least some kind of non physically bodied entity. Judging by the way she used her elbows against me anyway.

A time to every purpose under the heaven....

2005-10-13T12:08:00.000+01:00

Hell happy bloggers I have reached a strange milestone in my life.
Previously I have been a suit myself kindofa gal. If I wanted to do something then hells bells, I'd do it. Touching ginger people *inappropriately*, dancing like a loon, chatting to anyone who wandered within the old radar. You know, generally living. (Russ has been witness to a lot of these, sorry russ.)
Also during this time I used to have a real "thats your fucking problem if you don't like it" attitude. If I was going out with someone and I was chatting to another guy then fuck them if they didn't like it, hell, I'd chat to anyone I damn well pleased. Who were they to tell me what to do? Etc etc. You catch the idea.
Well recently I've discovered that this really no longer stands. I can't keep the 'fuck you' attitude because you start to hurt people.
This leads me into a strange place because I start to wonder if previously I just didn't care who I hurt. You might have guessed by now that I really hurt someone with my last post. My "I'll write what I damn well choose" theme has reared up and almost cost me a relationship. Seems I can't stroke Ginger people anymore because I actually care about who I'm hurting at the other end of it.
The britches chaffing thing about it was that they had to come here and read about it. Then spend an entire evening with that knowledge. I wouldn't wish that on them.
Essentially if you blog, or better yet, have someone you care about. THINK. I don't mean don't blog it, just don't do it. Maybe you all know this and I'm just catching up.

ughhhh hair

2005-10-11T12:23:00.000+01:00

So I was out and about last night. (Shocking I know but it does happen occasionally)
I got introduced to a chap called Pete.
Pete has white blonde hair. (Well, kinda gingery blonde) Anyone who knows me will be aware of how dangerous this is.
From the moment he wandered in I though "now thats hair I gotta touch!" The night progressed and I wangled a chat with this vision of blondness.
Eventually I said "this is a reallllly strange question but can I touch your hair?"
Well, dear reader, this was a step back for me. I thought I had gotten over the whole 'touchy hair' thing a few years ago. I felt like an alcoholic plummeting from the wagon. Especially when the *ughh* feeling kicked in as I was doing it. (As you just guessed, he let me) (Quite happily too I may add). Somehow I would have thought that a 6' tall girl getting her jollies from touching your hair would frighten people off but no.
I have to say it was the softest blondiness.

The hair monster cometh. Beware

never gonna give you up...

Talking of hair, I know you all miss him like I do: Click the rick

NO Fat people on buses

2005-10-10T12:01:00.000+01:00

There,I've said it.
On the bus this morning there were several folk who were taking up wayyyyy more seat/space than they were entitled to. Seriously. One woman stood and huffed at a poor student trying to get off the bus when in fact she was taking up the ENTIRE fucking aisle, she was pissed cos he had to clamber over her like a ugly bean bag. Talk about "can't go over it, can't go round it" Fucking fat folk. I accept the whole 'glandular' thing too btw, I know some people can't help it. But there's "I have a genuine medical condition and I am overweight" and then theres "I'm too fucking lazy to care about myself, you will suffer me on the bus"
For god sake people, why are we accepting these things? Why has society deemed this acceptable?? Fat is not normal. Vets shout at you for having fat animals. WE SHOULD NOT BE FAT. Agghhhhh. Big is beautiful my fucking rectum. Thats like saying "leprosy is sexy"
I know this is gonna make me unpopular. I don't care. I like my space on the bus, what can I say?
When I had a space beside me on the bus another enormous person decided to sit down beside me. She asked me to move over a bit. I couldn't. My legs are too big for the bus seats (thats a medical reason!!! I can hear the critics gather...) So she made me fit. By shoving me over with her huge ass. *shudder*

Do you know how many people in this country take up NHS time and money with problems conceiving when all they need to do is lose weight*? Nature says if you're fat you don't breed. That should tell us all something. Nature rocks.

*If you want to know the answer to this, google it, I'm not your fucking info monkey.

Just a thought

I read my last proper post and realised just how much I would really enjoy the guy opposite me in the office hitting me with an observer book of fungus. Not hitting maybe, just a couple of slaps, gently but then harder :-D
How fucked up is that? I'm looking at him right now and thinking about it and he doesn't know. Isn't internal dialogue wonderful?? yahoo.
I hope my boyfriend isn't reading this.

Plants

I got some plants for my desk at work. It's lovely to have something alive near me.
I can chat to them and water them.
Re-reading that I should add "and they are my friends"
Fucking Bizarre.

Fuck, not another one

2005-09-21T11:58:00.000+01:00

Igby
Originally uploaded by Sprout appreciation.

Well heres the little guy now. I'm getting so boring about him I think I might create a newsletter to send around everyone :-)

time flies

2005-09-19T12:14:00.000+01:00

My name is Beca and I blog...

I just realised how long its been since I blogged. (hehe that sounds like something you would need a support group for!)
Anyway, I thought I would blog a bit.
THe picture is one I took at the bus stop this morning. I was feeling good and liked the little bud.
So yesterday I decided I was bored and needed to read more. Luckly Amazon had delivered my 'Whiskey sour' book (J.Konrath) and I could get reading!
Managed to get through Whiskey Sour in about 2 hours. It was great and I thought maybe I'll read 'Bloody Mary' (same author) 2 hours later I was looking for something else to do. Fantastic books, really really good,enjoyable, gripping etc, but my brain was starved of reading stuff and really hammered through them. I had planned on them both lasting a couple of days- what to do now....

Update

Not that anyone but me cares but Igby is doing fantastically well. He's growing constantly and its a real joy to see him shlomping around his rapidly shrinking tank.
I've posted more pictures on my flickr account if you wanted to see him.

Across the divide(r)

I think I'm starting to irritate the guy who sits across from me at work. He's a biologist/gardener/nature lover and he's great for questioning about things.
I think my questions across our little blue divider are starting to annoy.I asked him if I was annoying him but he was like "No, not at all" but I don't know if he was being polite or what.
I have to sit in the same place for like, 7 hours a day. I can't remain silent constantly!! Maybe he'll snap and beat me with a observer book of fungus.

top notch

Life is feeling pretty spanky just now. I seem to have hit a groove and I'm a chuffed bunny. Still skint (where does the cash go??) but I get paid in 8 days so it all isn't seeming too bad.
I have also developed empathy with the ebay obsessives. I ordered a few things and realised that the rush of the little parcels arriving is great. My postman knocks the door now and I have it open before his knuckles have left the woodwork. For ME?? Bliss!

I hope you are all well, in your respective abodes/places of work/cells.
Till next time
Beca
PS I hope this isn't too annoying but I've had to turn word verification on for the comments. Blame the Pissy spammers. Sorry!

hiya bud

2005-09-06T12:10:00.000+01:00

Just before I leave my work, ill.
Russ got back last night from chicago and brought me a book, a mug and some sort of cold/flu!
I'm off home sick.Bleuh!

Ughhhhhh

2005-09-01T10:31:00.000+01:00

Jeez.

I'm so tired today. Fuck knows how I'm so tired, I'm going to sleep at night and all but I just don't feel like I've had any rest at all. I feel like I'm drunk. I just wanna sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Gimmie a 'C' please Bob...

So I'm gonna go play bass with a new group later on today. I'm quite nervous. I think I'm a bit slack on the bass just now, I panic too much when I'm playing.
I like the guitarist who invited me along, Bob, so being bad in front of him will be fucking knarly.
On a plus note (Boom tish!) I got some strap locks yesterday so I'm very chuffed that in the middle of playing something my bass isn't gonna suddenly thud onto the floor like a bit of cheap plywood. That 'thud' noise can have me waking up in a cold sweat at night. There is also a really wierd feeling that goes along with that, usually in the middle of something good my bass suddenly becomes ,like, weightless. And I feel like I'm in slow motion and go "waaaaaaaaaaa!" THUMP. Then everyone else gets that little 'o' shaped mouth like a porn video and I look at them with big wide eyes and then down at my stricken bass lying there and then I grab it like a mother clutching a road accident kid. And I cry. :-)
I'm in a rough position that I think a lot of people get into, if I break my bass I seriously couldn't afford to get a new one. I doubt I could afford to get it fixed realistically. So I buy strap locks.

where has the badger gone?

Well, for those of you who keep up with these blogs, you'll know that he's off to chicago Today, For those of you who don't read the blogs that was a great inclusive fact laden sentence above.
In fact I think he's already gone, cos he's leaving on a jet plane, don't know when he'll be back again!!!! Actually, Monday around 2pm.
So Scotland is currently Russless. Its strange knowing he's not around but I hope He's having a great time. He's getting to do some kind of panel discussion on short story writing, which is further up his alley than some copulating drunks. Personally I'm hoping for freebies. Even the complimentary mint from his pillow would do.
So when he comes back were off out in the bonny city of Glasgow for some beer and a chance for Russ to Pass out from jet lag and spend his waking moments saying "and then.... and then....."
Safe home Ruski!

Igby gets an overdraft...

2005-08-30T13:25:00.000+01:00

I ordered a book about looking after Igby.
It cost me £1:75 and they have to order it in.Probably print it up too.
So far Costs for the Igmeister running at:

Tank: £11
Substrate (2 kinds, he didn't like the first stuff): £7
Rock effect water dish £3
Bit of cork to clamber on £1.50
Heat pad (he gets a cold ass,honest) £11
Food (roughly) £5
Spray bottle for his water : £0.85
Bottle of Volvic(only the best for my boy) £1.75
Book about his slimy ass £1.75
So thats *quick calculation*
£42.86p
Oh yeah I forgot.
And Igby: £1.50+ £1.00p&p

Igby cost: £45.36
Look on my mums face when he schlomps across the kitchen: Priceless

Good morning world!

2005-08-30T09:33:00.000+01:00

Firstly
So our brave little badger Russel is off to Chicago all on his own soon.
We hope he has a great time and Pimps himself mercilously for the good of his book.Work it Brock, work it!

Oh what a beautiful dayyyyyyy....

What a beautiful morning this morning. The sun was shining and it was just cold enough to make it pleasant. I actually walked into town to pick up my bus ticket just to enjoy the weather. It was a real "GOOD MORNING WORLD!" kind of morning. For the first time in a while I had a feeling like "everything's good". How Ace.

Damn I've shrunk my clothes...oh wait

So I am in at work with a home made lunch (Rice salad type thing)in a desperate attempt to lose some of the weight that I appear to have piled on unnoticed. It's the grazing at my desk that does it. I have to chew the cud or I get bored :-)
I realised that I really need to start walking around more. Not that I have like, some kind of personal taxi service, but I only walk to the bus stop (3 mins)and then off at work (4 mins) and then back again later. so thats 14mins of walking a day. That's actually embarrasing now I see it written down. So more walking and less eating. Thats the plan at least. I'm going to go out today and buy myself a lunch box, a cool one, to try and encourage the "make at home" thing. I can't afford to eat out as much either. I might even try a home made sushi. Mmmm sushi.

Coffee...

I drink too much coffee. All that caffine and sugar (I take 3 per cup)
I have:
4 or 5 coffees a day
thats 5x3=15 spoonfuls of sugar a day. Jeezus.
No wonder my arse is expanding faster than the galaxy.

when friends go bad....

2005-08-29T12:39:00.000+01:00

Ok I don't usually do this but this is a portion of a email I have been sent by someone that used to be a friend, remember the camping fiasco?
I have never been accused of lacking integrity so I am interested in how exactly you measure this, answers on a postcard please!
And so to the email:

Would like to take this opportunity to ask if you have any
intetion of repaying the £30 that you owe me. I assume from
your lack of response to my request that you do not and
therefore will see fit to collect my debt by selling your
tent. If this assumption is incorrect then I advise you to
inform me so sooner rather than later.

In addition I belive that you cast aspertions that I would
tell anyone who would listen what happened on our holiday.
Unlike yourself I managed to keep my mouth closed until I
realised that you were informing people of your somewhat
edited version. I have no need to tell anyone who was not
involved however you seem to think that mere aquaintances
should be informed. However in this telling you neglect to
mention that I drove over 500 miles for which I recieved no
thanks and that you have not apologised for your behaviour
which was equal to that of a 5year old. How you can blame
the bank for you spending your money I have no idea!

I have little expection that you will resolve this
unfortunate incident as you have proved that integrity is
something you lack. For that I am most sorry.

A Couple a points:
She has little expection? what the fuck is that? As to the lack of integrity, I'm much sorrier that she has little expection, Personally I like a lot of expection.
The bank took charges-I didn't spend it, had she been listening and not yelling she'd have heard this part.
I'd really love to know who the 'mere acquaintances' are, as would they I'm sure.
Also If she sells my stuff I wont do anything. But my mum will. For those of you who know my mum thats not an idle threat :-)
on a petty note:
Intetion has an 'n'- intention
belive has an 'e'- believe
aquaintances has a 'c'- acquaintances.
I'm allowed a little petty.
I thank you, comments positively embraced.
Beca the integrity lacker

dear lord

2005-08-28T09:14:00.000+01:00

I'm sat here and I think I'm still drunk. I haven't drank whisky for a while and I think If I want to keep my friends that will be the last whisky drinking for a good long while. What a tit I made of myself last night, I think I worryingly rang my Mum and said " yeah I'm to fucked to come home, have a good holiday" 'cos yeah, she goes away for a fortnight today and I couldn't drag my sorry arse in the door to see her off. what a knob. I'm writing this now as I am still drunk but I can feel the shaking, queasy feeling starting. How can you get nauseous at some coca cola? uhhh. Sometimes I wish there was some kind of voluntary organ donation scheme. I obviously shouldn't be left alive.
For regular readers you'll be happy to know that I met up with the girl that I had the faling out with last night. At the point I met her I had that non internal commenting thing going on so I really doubt I have friends left. Or family

Nip/Tuck

2005-08-23T23:06:00.000+01:00

Mes Amis

Ch-Ch-Changes... Ooo, a new look for Sprout. Beccy's the woman in charge of the site and I for one think I like the new look. Makes us look all happy and cheery. Except me. But I'm always scowling like that.

Oz the Gweat and Tewwible... Stephen King is a very variable author, but I've always had a soft spot for him when he's on form. Like Pet Semetary, a book that shouldn't work but does. I come back to this one like a good snack I look forward to every once in a while. Its junk but damn its good to read it. I knew there was a film version, too, but knowing how bad Stephen King films are, I hadn't really bothered to see it (and me, a lover of bad movies, too!). Until the other night. Channel 5 have gone back to their roots and started doing shitey horror seasons again. I love it when 5 do this. I do hope they show Amityville Dollhouse again or any of the later numbered Jason films. There's some guilty pleasure in watching truly incompetenetly made horror films. Anyway, Pet Semetary isn't all that bad and is ultimately almost faithful to the plot of the book which is surprising. The problem is that the tone's all wrong. Everything is so melodramatic that it makes Tasha Yar (yes, the one who died in the first season of the Star Trek: Next Generation series) look Oscar worthy playing our hero's wife. I mean any emotion is played loud and proud, like they really want to batter us over the head with it all. Which is funny because I was watching the film thinking if the actors all calmed down this would be genuinely fucking frightening. Especially Church the devil-bastard cat. And then there's King himself hamming it up as a vicar for a few minutes. Its all just... a missed opportunity.

But that said, that kid at the end is fuckin' freaky. Even without the special contact lenses. I was scared of him even from the start when he was meant to be all sweet.

Anyway, mes amis

Au revoir

Russel

I'm back, baby!

2005-08-22T22:10:00.000+01:00

Mes Amis

Since you been gone... Woah-woah-woah-oh, Woah-woah-woah-oh! Ahem, anyway, yes I'm back, baby. I ain't getting kicked off the front page for no one. I have, of course, been very busy of late (see my adventures over at These Aye Mean Streets if you need an explanation) and so feel like I've left Becs to play alone. But no more.

The Good Book... Have I ever mentioned how much I love Philip K Dick? I mean, not literally, but the man was a God to me when I first discovered proper growed-up type fiction. His SF was weird, wonderful and more mature in its dealings with humanity than much of the pap that followed it. And then there are the mainstream novels... They were all rejected one day in the sixties, slamming through his postbox with a note attached saying how no one wanted them. Dick's dreams of being taken seriously were crushed. Only one (the amazing Confessions of a Crap Artist) was published during his lifetime, but they are still vibrant, beautiful works. Like the one I just read: In Milton Lumky Territory. Don't you just wanna read a book with a title like that? Despite the strangeness of the title, the book is a 1960's love story in its own twisted way. Bruce, a sales rep, meets the woman of his dreams and promptly marries her. Trouble is, she's ten years older than he was and was his high school teacher. As their odd relationship plays out, we explore Dick's constant fascinations with mental health, the true meaning of communication between beings and empathy. It sounds heavy stuff, and some of it is, but Dick has a great narrative voice and his characters are so fragile that you can't help but love them. The Milton Lumky of the title, by the way, is a newspaper salesman who may just understand more about the lovers than they could ever understand themselves.

Its Russel's literary pick of the month. In fact, any book by PKD (With the possible exception of the Zap Gun) would be Russel's literary pick of the month.

Speaking of Literary... Gonzo's gone, baby, Gonzo's really gone.

Anyway, mes amis, I shall return soon

Till then

Au revoir

Russel

Funny for my ears

2005-08-17T10:25:00.000+01:00

I've been listening to podcasts while at work. Yes I am the giggler at the desk in the corner. I'm sorry but a grandma porn story read out with the voices makes me laugh like a pervert in a pantomime. This giggling is caused by 'distorted view' who have an inspired sextastic tuesday edition with porn stories that are a little...disturbing to say the least. I quote "I realised it was the best blowjob ever because she didn't have her teeth in and it was her gums knawing on me" *shudder* made even funnier by the presenter, Tim, and his fantastic commentary and obvious glee coupled with disgust at the stories. Every other day is news of the weird and general chat on porn, sex and gross bodily function.
Seriously funny if you have that kind of sense of humour, you know wether you have this sense of humour. Distorted view is very very adult so if you happen to be a minor don't be going there and saying I sent you.Right?
Distorted view is available on Itunes. Or visit Distorted View
Ba da da da duh duh I'm lovin it!

Later in the day....

I just realised that I don't think anyone comes here. I think when Russel Left to start his blog I think you all left with him. *sigh*
oh well.
I'm thinking of changing the appearance of the Blog, I think It could do with lightening up a little bit. Any ideas? Oh yeah, I forgot; theres no-one here. *bigger sigh*

a new way to go (literally)

2005-08-16T11:56:00.000+01:00

I shlomped over to the Co-op online for a link.
I clicked about and came up with this

Hey!
I just read down some of my previous posts and realised that the ladybird people never emailed me back! well, fuck them. All I wanted to know was all about the stupid green lady bird but they're obviously too busy having fucking tiffin or something to email me back. Well screw 'em.

Igby Goes Up!

2005-08-14T20:42:00.000+01:00

Igby Goes Up!
Originally uploaded by Sprout appreciation.

here is igby. isn't he cute? On second thoughts don't answer that

heheheh

2005-08-10T14:51:00.000+01:00

Well I've done it.
I've been browsing for years and I've finally done it
Back to the beginning for me!!

december six

2005-08-09T16:20:00.000+01:00

december six
Originally uploaded by antimethod.

Check this guy's stuff out. Really and seriously. I can assure you you need to see these. Really

what a weekend.

2005-08-09T09:09:00.000+01:00

Ok, don't get upset, Ijust think everyone gets this feeling.

Jeez

Ok so for those of you who don't know I was engaged. Note the was.
I didn't really want to start phoning people to tell them, I couldn't cope with the "oh, what happened??" 'cos I really don't want to talk about it, it was very upsetting and amicable, no shouting and it wasn't done in anger. Plus I still have this silly bursting into tears and hyperventilating when I think about it thing going on. It's getting better though, I managed all the way on the bus without crying once! little steps :-)

If I went away

I was thinking at the weekend, If i went missing would anyone look for me? I've often thought about this after I saw a young guy sitting on the pavement in York and I thought "why has no-one come to find you?" He looked about 15. Someone should have been looking.
For me, on my bad days I just think about how many freinds I have and that I think some of them would try and find me. Thats a nice thought.

Finally...

The young chap beside me on the bus was reading a book about 'discrete mathematics'.
Is anyone else getting lovely visions of people wandering about quietly thumbing their calculators and slouching in corners attempting equations?

Finally finally...

Does anyone remember a guy who used to write on here.... Russ or something? I seem to have a vague recollection of a beard but it's been soooo long.....

Dear god above

2005-08-03T16:31:00.000+01:00

Browsing on Ebay at work and I encountered this. I am dumbstruck with terror.

Trades description act.!!!

2005-08-01T14:01:00.000+01:00

IGBY

So I got my snail through the post. He's beautiful.
He does, However, make a mockery of the title Giant African Land Snail.
First off he came from Portsmouth. Secondly he's mini. You ever eat guylian chocolates?, the sea shells? He's worrying the same size and colour as one of these.
I went out the day before he was supposed to arrive and bought a big tank, substrate, cute rock water holder, heat pad (yeah yeah he only cost £1:50, the tank alone was £10, the heater £11 etc.)
So he arrived and I laughed. He's around 2" long, all in. I had put bits of food in for him that were bigger than he is. Still, he's a growing lad.
Also, If you want a pet thats all action and excitement don't get one of these he buries himself in substrate and doesn't move. At all. I move him, he eats and buries himself again. He has done a poo though. It was white (too much cuttlefish!!) yummy. Interested? here's a link on the snails.

Green???

I saw a green ladybird today. Honestly-green. fucked up or what??
So i looked here but they don't have green ladybirds. So I emailed them. I will await their reply with interest. I might be mad.

Nother poem (sorry)

I think dogs are rather cute.

I like to poke them with my foot

when the doggy sniffs at me

I touch myself excitedleeee!

my doggy fetish is rather strange

I have a horrid case of mange

my bits are just one giant scab

I got it off of next doors lab.

My doggie love will never stall

who else could I pull with a bouncy ball?

Good book, shame about the writing.

2005-07-27T10:39:00.000+01:00

Something about nothing

I sat behind a girl engrossed in her book on the bus today, so as is my want i read a little over her shoulder. Unfortunatly the first line I came across began
"Frankly, Samantha..."
I pondered wether I would read a book that contains such frantically bad lines as 'frankly samantha...' and concluded that no, I wouldn't. Then I thought, 'do people actually talk like that?'. I pondered all the way from Braehead to the sewage treatment plant. I recall at points saying 'frankly' but I was being sarcastic (unlike me I know). Lines like "frankly officer russ does these things" spring to mind. But I don't think I ever have in a serious context. I don't think I'd let anyone talk to me like that either. "Frankly Beca....*smack*....uggghhh". So I won't read her book. If I knew the title.

why the moonlight on your shell,its beautiful

I am finally fufilling a dream I've had for a few years now. I'm getting an african land snail. I am very excited. Ordered it today (ahhh ebay!) More news as I get it!!

a poem by me

2005-07-26T16:05:00.000+01:00

I tried to make a home porn movie
just 'cause I was feeling groovy

I rolled around, a moaner groaner
all that was missing was a boner

A kinky fetish I did try
and caught a furball in my eye

I tried a carrot in my anus
a desperate bid to make me famous

the end snapped off, alak alas.
and now its stuck deep in my ass

going through a freaky phase
I introduced some mayonnaise

its gone, too lost for eva
then lost some cabbage-just a sliva

Now Im famous-really big!
I go out hidden in a wig!

I made histry
who could have foresaw

I made the first
porn anal coleslaw

Ignore this message

2005-07-26T09:34:00.000+01:00

I thought my life was complete until Russ posted that picture of the delectable David Tennant as Dr Who. I had so much missing from my life and didn't even know.
I have to admit, I really enjoyed the last series, and now I'm looking forward to the next one getting going.It was utter saturday night telly; leave your brain at the door. Nice writing, good acting, funny and cheeky.
I arrive at Dr Who from a slightly different angle from the Russmyster as I was never particularly fan- I did however have a crush on Sylvester McCoy but I don't think that counts. Ashamed as I am to admit it the first full episode of Dr Who I ever watched had Christopher Ecclestone in it. Shocking!
I have pretended to be a Dr Who fan however- I have been inside a real dalek and I have clapped the original K-9. Sad but true as metallica once sang

clickety click

I foolishly use two email addresses at work. The one you can swear on, make lewd comments and generally be awful in (yahoo) and the work one which I have discovered actually blots out rude words for you (MS outlook)
This has resulted in a particularly tiresome game of email ping pong where I have to click between email accounts to see if I have emails.
I have a confession to make.
I'm one of those people who constantly checks to see if I have mail. Its actually scary. I don't even think about it I just *click ,click, click* all the time. Every mouse depression is my little soul shouting "somebody love me pleasse!!!" I know no joy like a '1 unread message' sign.

gimmie coffee an a labotomy

I just opened a sachet of sugar in the coffee room while chatting with a guy from another department, y'know casual like. I then proceeded to throw the sugar in the bin and chuck the empty sachet in my cup. While doing this I was explaining how I had two computer screens and I couldn't get them both to work. After this display the general feeling was 'thats not suprising'
I now have both working (thanks davie)and can have two things open at once- just now I have blogger open on one screen and a word doc. open on the other and my pointer rolls between them both. Thats pretty cool you have to admit. Or I'm really behind with the times and everyone has it except me and again, I'm late to the party-again. anyway I'm going to boot my Commodore 64 up.....

you met who at the shops?

Ever worked with someone who lives their life loudly over the office phone? Theres a woman in my cluster of desks and her entire life is played out over her mobile and the office phone, loudly and constantly.
The guy at the other end of the office knows exactly what her mortgage quote from the abbey national is. Her vet is called Mr Mayhew and her dog has a chronic ear infection (probably from listening to her) Her boyfreind was great last night.All this and more.
Please please be quiet or I may be forced to remove your eyeballs with your stapler, and yes we all know its yours , you told us many times and I can see your name etched on it with a staple.

Ahhh... new teeth

2005-07-26T01:12:00.000+01:00

Mes Amis

Change, my dear, and not a moment too soon... Pictures up at the BBC of the new Doctor Who as played by Tennant. Oooo, I'm all a quiver with excitement (that last series was so damn good; hell, even Billie managed to look like she was acting). I like the new look. A blend of the eccentricity of old combined with a casual, slightly modern look.

They have a lot to live up to next season, but from what I can gather they have a treat for old fans with Sarah Jane Smith (played by Elisabeth Sladen) making an appearance. She used to travel with Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker back in the old days. They also have Stephen Fry writing an episode, a guest appearance by Anthony Stewart Head who used to stalk his next door neighbour under the pretence of having no coffee and later taught young ladies how to use pointy sticks.

And one word: Cybermen. They'd better get them right. The Cybermen never quite lived up to their potential (and for such emotionless creatures they alway seemed really fuckin' angry all the time!)

Squat... You think that pic was bad, Ms Simpson? There is one on the roll where it looks like I'm having a dump in a graveyard. That one, well, I like it.

Anyway, mes amis, that's all for now.

Au revoir

Russel

I love cup noodle

2005-07-25T13:34:00.000+01:00

Back at work today for the first time after my so called holiday. Work is actually proving preferable to the holiday, how bad is that?
I know you all think I'm an arguementative and nasty type, you especially russ, but I'm really not, I'm quite aimiable. I just wanted to get that in before i tell you how bad my holiday was.
Camping was the plan, I wasn't too keen but my freind, who we'll call charlotte, was well keen.
I have to admit, in the last couple of months charlotte's behaviour had been getting worse and worse. Really selfish me me me kinda stuff. I think it was like a boiling a frog situation.Overall her behaviour had become abysmal but because it was over a period of time I just got used to it. So away we went in the tent up north.
Charlotte got her tongue pierced the day before we went away (duhhhhh) so she was silent and sullen. Every thing I said was reacted to in a kind of 'yeah, whatever' way. or with no answer at all. Cheerful.
Wednesday I checked my bank and discovered I had no cash and I realised I would have to go home. Much stomping of feet and seething silent anger from charlotte. Eventually she snapped and screamed at me in the street that I was making it all her fault and that I had ruined her holiday because I needed to go home- she only had a fortnight off work and I had wrecked it. Ignoring the fact I only had 5 days in total holiday due from work until december and I had to take 3 of them to go away with her and I only had £10 in the bank and payday was a week and a half away. So the upshot of it is I ended up having to spend my last £10 on the bus back from St Andrews.
I'm gonna add a cheezie type ending. On the bus home I had a rare chance to have a good think about everything. I reckon that I've got better freinds than that going around. Don't need a mate that uses me to improve their own social standing and make them look better. Or that was rude to my other freinds and family.
There we are, a busy week. I only told her to fuck off once too!

If you feel like you're alone, weird, 'no-one else thinks like me' type thing then check this out

I'd like to share

2005-07-25T13:30:00.000+01:00

Russ has this picture on his website. It says'russel looking pensive' I think steve throws the dogs into the backdoor if they begin to take that sort of pensive stance. Squatting I'd call it but then again I'm not literary.

not to be left behind

2005-07-25T11:57:00.000+01:00

Rebecca Simpson's Aliases

Your movie star name: Cup Noodle William

Your fashion designer name is Rebecca Frankfurt

Your socialite name is Measle Dundee

Your fly girl / guy name is R Sim

Your detective name is Stoat Renfrew

Your barfly name is Chocolate Orange Schnapps

Your soap opera name is Kirklandneuk

Your rock star name is Malteasers Stars

Your star wars name is Rebfer Simbob

Your punk rock band name is The Spanking Wheelie Bin

The Amazing Meganame Generator