also...

Thatgirls Real life life: a small snippet

Chapter 1

Your erstwhile heroine gets up from her desk and decides to have a sneaky wee peak out of her window, see whats happening outside, you know, as you do.She is one floor up.
Outside her window mothers are walking with toddlers, schoolgirls are giggling past her gate, a scene of neighbourly tranquillity.
Her gaze falls upon a small car parked outside the gate, the driver is in the car.
A moment of confusion from thatgirl, then a noise slowly escapes her lips....
"ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Chapter 2
The local police station

A lovely wee police helper is standing at the desk. I glide across and she smiles like an angel
"can I help you with anything?" a beaming smile.
"Yes", i say leaning across the desk confidentially.
"I'd like to report something"
She tries to look reassuring "can I take a few details?"
"Ok" I say, searching for words
"A man was parked outside my gate wanking like a monkey"
She looks at me, distressed. I smile.
"I'll get someone to talk to you"

Chapter 3

A small female PC has me in a converted Cell for interview/statement. Oh and for 'converted' read 'they took the bed out and put in a desk'.
She is questioning me.
"...And the man in the car, what exactly was he doing?" her pen is poised.
"well, I'd have to say he was wanking like a chimpanzee"
I relate details. Apparantly, according to PC Softly, most people don't notice what hand he was using. Or the other myriad of details I provide. Nor do they laugh like drains when reporting public indecency.
"I'm very observant" I tell her.
"yes" she squints and me "very"
"Just..." I shift a little "I'm only sorry I couldn't do more" I smile "I couldn't get my phone to video properly"......

Afterword: Next time I'm panning his car window in. then he can explain to strathclyde's finest why he was chugging away with schoolkids about.

So long?

I was scooshing around my badger friend's blog when I realised he still linked here.
So I thought I would chuck a post up and try to get back into this. I miss the writing.

So do you see up the top under 'sprout appreciation' is says 'untrustworthy and a liar'?
I didn't write that.
My *insert tiny bit of sweary words* ex wrote that when he hacked into my emails and
stuff just before we split up. Now evidently he was on google too. It actually made me giggle because on my msn messenger 'quote' bit he had written "as long as our partners don't find out its fine"
I don't quite know how he managed to tap straight into my personal mantra but kudos.
He also printed out my emails and sent them to my mum so that should tell you what we're working with.
Several good things came outta this:
1. I now have a bound bundle of very rude emails to peruse at my considerable pleasure.(My mum never saw them) Its like a kinky book AND I'm in it!!!
2. I changed all my passwords, probably long overdue and not to silly ones.
3. I exercised restraint I didn't know I had and didn't use his paypal password.

Well now, my badger chum has his book coming out and I am really excited for him.
I just heard him on a podcast and dammit, if he didn't sound witty and intelligent! Its odd to hear him, not as my mate, but with his crime hat on, so to speak.
So everyone buy his book in November, its called 'The Good Son'

This has brought up an additional worry for me: The Book Launch.
I have been invited, and damned grateful I am too, but I tend to misbehave at these things and I really don't want to upset badger boy. As long as there's no Champers we should be safe.
If you happen to be along at the launch do us all a favour: For god's sake don't speak to me!