Feel the farce...

Mes Amis

Jammy person... Well, Beccy went to see the grand Alabama 3 this evening... I'm almost upset, but I came back home to a few messages where I could hear music in the background and the woman herself screaming so I guess she had a good time.. maybe she'll tell us all about it one day...

The Syph Strike Back... So I caved... I went to see Ep III... Well, some of my friends wanted to and I guess I wasn't dead set against it, just a little apprehensive... I mean, after all Ep I and II were, frankly, shite (except ep II had Yoda playing the pinball to Christopher Lee's lightsaber flipper). And a good seventy percent of Ep III is shite, too.

But strangely, the stuff that works is brilliant. The lightsaber fights are brilliantly choreographed, the ship battles are the stuff that sci-fi geek wet dreams are made of and then there's the thrill of seeing that suit for the first time (which is then promptly ruined by the worst piece of slapstick drama ever committed to culluloid - I hope that paycheck was worth that one, elongated word, Mr Earl Jones). Really, when it comes to action and spectacle Star Wars ep III kicks everyone's ass from here to eternity. And once more Yoda gets to do a pinball impression - not once but twice which made me smile a lot. Oh, and the Emperor is so over the top pantomime evil that you just can't help but love him.

But then Lucas tries to write a script and it all falls apart. If you thought the Anakin/Padme nonsense was bad enough in Ep II then you still aren't prepared for the levels of cringeinducing dialogue mixed with the "I'd rather be anywhere but here" delivery by the lovely Natalie Portman. In fact, Lucas even manages to make Ms Portman look dowdy and rotund by dressing her in the the most ugly nightwear ever worn by any woman on celluloid. Anakin doesn't look depressed because of his nightmares, its because he wakes up and sees this frump in lime green.

But Ms Portman's poor wardrobe and even poorer delivery doesn't hold a candle to Hayden "I know there's a camera pointing at me, that's why I'm raising my eyebrow to indicate how evil I am" Christiansen. In this story we should be witnessing Anakin's struggle between the dark and the light, but instead it looks like he decides in one second to switch over to the dark side (Look, this isn't exactly a major spoiler so don't moan at me that I told you about it). Really, this role requires a little bit of acting to get that struggle across and deepen the tragedy, but when the actor doesn't sound like he believes one word he's saying ("The Jedi have betrayed us..." he says, sounding like he'd really rather have a cheese sandwich than fight for the side he believes to be in the right) then the whole character arc is lost.

On the plus side, Ewan McGregor's beginning to remember how to act and is almost passable as a young Guinness (almost, I say, but not quite).

The problem with this film is that every time it starts to get good, it ruins its own momentum with some stupid decision. Whether its Vader's final transformation destroyed by the most misjudged line in cinema history or the best lightsaber fight ever ruined by an ending that came straight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (you'll know it when you see it; and even that still could have been good if the actor playing Anakin had any kind of chops at all).

Basically, there's a lot of promise here (the fact that the script seems to portray the jedi as far more self involved than their hype would have you believe and all of the stuff whereby the Emperor gains control) ruined by poor delivery and the fact that you're really enjoying the film until almost anyone opens their mouth to speak.

Even Samuel L Jackson and his big, purple saber can't save this (in fact Sam's sadly part of the reason this film is so poor; I've never seen such an unnafecting fate for a character in my life). But the worst thing is it could have been so good. And there is a lot to love. Really; the action is amazing. But sadly the action's no good without interest and with so many cardboard characters and so many actors unable to breathe life into this poor excuse for a script, Ep III is hardly the return to form so many people believe. Although for the geeks, its great to see stuff like the final duel between Obi Wan and Anakin and hear that music swelling in a cinema once more...

Anyway, mes amis, that's all for now

Au Revoir

Russe;