Thursday, July 10

Motorcycle Diaries

I've been watching this excellent film recently. It's a blinder, I've also got the book which is also breathtaking. Its fantastic to read Ernesto Guevara before he became 'Che' and became the revolutionary leader. When he was still Ernesto- medical student and love lorn. I love that he didn't know what he was to become. It gives me hope. Not that I think that underneath this pallid exterior there will be a great revolutionary leader or something but just that maybe something good is just around the corner. Something I can't quite see yet but that maybe some of these shitty experiences I keep having are preparing me for something.
For those of you who know me you wont need told but I have been Many many years in education and I've covered a lot of ground academically. I've also got the '1 year unemployed' medal from the job centre. I'm not useless but I'm increasingly starting to feel it. My brain is slowing and I fear that I'm starting to listen to people with my mouth open. People ask me why I don't just pick up 'a wee job in a bar' and I'm too ashamed to admit that I've applied and heard nothing back. I have £60 a week to live on and I live at home with my mum. Its not really a life, more an existance. It sucks. and all I can do is hope that something, anything, will turn up and help me justify this semi transparent existance.

Friday, June 6

a small experiment

First I just wanted to say that happily, monkey spanking man has not returned. We can all sleep safe.
Secondly I just gave up on internet explorer, it sucketh. I have started on Firefox and I'm a happy, happy, happy bunny. Firefox I love you. But for a small experiment I decided to make use of the handy parental controls available on Firefox and see how much of my web browsing is counted as 'off limits'
Frankly I'm amazed. I managed to get here alright but it seems I leap from one cesspit of a webpage to another, according to my parental controls. I only hope I remember the password to turn it off or we're all in trouble!

Tuesday, May 27

also...

Thatgirls Real life life: a small snippet

Chapter 1

Your erstwhile heroine gets up from her desk and decides to have a sneaky wee peak out of her window, see whats happening outside, you know, as you do.She is one floor up.
Outside her window mothers are walking with toddlers, schoolgirls are giggling past her gate, a scene of neighbourly tranquillity.
Her gaze falls upon a small car parked outside the gate, the driver is in the car.
A moment of confusion from thatgirl, then a noise slowly escapes her lips....
"ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Chapter 2
The local police station

A lovely wee police helper is standing at the desk. I glide across and she smiles like an angel
"can I help you with anything?" a beaming smile.
"Yes", i say leaning across the desk confidentially.
"I'd like to report something"
She tries to look reassuring "can I take a few details?"
"Ok" I say, searching for words
"A man was parked outside my gate wanking like a monkey"
She looks at me, distressed. I smile.
"I'll get someone to talk to you"

Chapter 3

A small female PC has me in a converted Cell for interview/statement. Oh and for 'converted' read 'they took the bed out and put in a desk'.
She is questioning me.
"...And the man in the car, what exactly was he doing?" her pen is poised.
"well, I'd have to say he was wanking like a chimpanzee"
I relate details. Apparantly, according to PC Softly, most people don't notice what hand he was using. Or the other myriad of details I provide. Nor do they laugh like drains when reporting public indecency.
"I'm very observant" I tell her.
"yes" she squints and me "very"
"Just..." I shift a little "I'm only sorry I couldn't do more" I smile "I couldn't get my phone to video properly"......

Afterword: Next time I'm panning his car window in. then he can explain to strathclyde's finest why he was chugging away with schoolkids about.

So long?

I was scooshing around my badger friend's blog when I realised he still linked here.
So I thought I would chuck a post up and try to get back into this. I miss the writing.

So do you see up the top under 'sprout appreciation' is says 'untrustworthy and a liar'?
I didn't write that.
My *insert tiny bit of sweary words* ex wrote that when he hacked into my emails and
stuff just before we split up. Now evidently he was on google too. It actually made me giggle because on my msn messenger 'quote' bit he had written "as long as our partners don't find out its fine"
I don't quite know how he managed to tap straight into my personal mantra but kudos.
He also printed out my emails and sent them to my mum so that should tell you what we're working with.
Several good things came outta this:
1. I now have a bound bundle of very rude emails to peruse at my considerable pleasure.(My mum never saw them) Its like a kinky book AND I'm in it!!!
2. I changed all my passwords, probably long overdue and not to silly ones.
3. I exercised restraint I didn't know I had and didn't use his paypal password.

Well now, my badger chum has his book coming out and I am really excited for him.
I just heard him on a podcast and dammit, if he didn't sound witty and intelligent! Its odd to hear him, not as my mate, but with his crime hat on, so to speak.
So everyone buy his book in November, its called 'The Good Son'

This has brought up an additional worry for me: The Book Launch.
I have been invited, and damned grateful I am too, but I tend to misbehave at these things and I really don't want to upset badger boy. As long as there's no Champers we should be safe.
If you happen to be along at the launch do us all a favour: For god's sake don't speak to me!

Friday, January 19

Belated Hogmany!

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: Boston
 

You definitely have a Boston accent, even if you think you don't. Of course, that doesn't mean you are from the Boston area, you may also be from New Hampshire or Maine.

North Central
 
The West
 
The Midland
 
Philadelphia
 
The Northeast
 
The South
 
The Inland North
 
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz


Thanks To Jen Jordan for the quiz link. I like that I may have a boston accent even though I'm Scottish.

Thursday, December 14

Things I've discovered today




  1. This Picture (Above)
  2. 3pm is a bad time to start academic work when it is due in at 10am the next day.

  3. I'm a lazy, lazy wicked person.

  4. It's difficult addressing some crimbo cards (to not have this problem don't send any) I.e your lecturer: First name only? "from" or "Love" or "best wishes". Its a mess. I hate crimbo.

  5. It's pointless doing your hair when the weather is like this. I've ended up with a thatch instead of hair. It's like trying to brush a crash helmet or, to be seasonal, a crimbo tree.

  6. It's pointless putting on make up on days like this. I look like an oil painting which has run. And not in a sexy pop art type way. More in a washed out hooker type way.

  7. I really shouldn't be typing "things i've discovered" lists when my essay still isn't finished and its 8pm.

  8. shit happens.

  9. I'm unlikely to get higher than a desmond for my honours.This is all my own fault.

Thursday, December 7

2 posts in one week!

To begin, a joke:
Batman runs up to this guy and hits him with a vase shouting "t'pau!"
The guy says "don't you mean "kerpow?"
Batman says "no, I've china in my hand"
With thanks to the guy who writes in to the metro with jokes.

I've had a restorative coffee about an hour ago so I'm feeling chipper. And blogtastic...
My Christmas shopping is almost finished. By which I mean I've panic purchased in Boots the chemist and wrapped it up in my usual chewed up fashion. (Christmas was never neat). I hope my uncle likes the tights I've got him. They're ladder resistant.

THis weekend my mum is doing her room up so her freind is coming over to help and bringing his dog. I'm really excited. I love dogs. Especially this dog. It's a black and white collie and she's mental. AND she'll be in my house. Anyone who knows me should know of my mum's adversion to anything which might moult or dander inside the house. Hence I have snails. The dog gets an exemption though. It'll be great. *Next stop the pet shop for dog chew type treaty things*
Hmmm, what else has been happening?
I've been dropping lots of yule gift hints. I'm hoping for the post secret book, I love the site but hate that they disappear after a week. No other hinting been going on. I'm not that fussed over presents at christmas. Christmas pisses me off a bit. All these mentals on Tv and radio christmas is a christian celebration. No, its a pagan festival you stole. Like easter and halloween and all saints day and the majority of the individual saints days.
Bloody christians. (Hate mail can be left in the comments)
More on the pagan origins of Crimbo

Well I'm done.
Remember and turn the lights off before you go.
Beca

Monday, December 4

neon tetras riverdance?

I've been told to start blogging again by Bulbboy so here's a post.
I met bulboy in his place of work and he said he liked my writing, which was odd. Not as odd as the nudie piccie of bulb boy on his blog, but still odd. *I see you zooming off to look*
Not that theres anything wrong with bulb boy nude, It's just that I've also seen Bulb boy's brother naked and there should only be one person per family that you see naked.

I have been away from blogger for a while as it's my honours year and I have difficulty remembering where I live, let alone think up something interesting to say to all you gorgeous people.
Life goes well with me. I am on an official drive to try to stop being a gloomy bumcheek so much. I'm the person you avoid in the corridor at work/college/school. The one you ask how they are and (horror!) they actually tell you- usually preceeded by a big *SIGH* .
Gloomy bumcheek indeed.

My little yellow snail is either a) Ill or b) In the huff and as I haven't said anything particularly offensive I'm assuming he's ill. In the case of ill snails you pretty much sit and see if they die. Happy energy this direction please!

I'm off to do work and will my snail to live.
Be the Awen.
Beca

Sunday, September 24

afternoon delights

Today I was invited for lunch with some people I know and their friends. What I didn't realise was that everyone would be bringing children of a Wide assortment of ages. Jeepers.
I try not to be tetchy about these things- it's someone elses choice to have kids etc etc.
But for me it really ends up like the smoking debate, I don't mind if you want to smoke just a)don't expect me to pay for it in any way and b)Don't waft your smoke near me.
Had I wanted to be irritated by kids I'd have actually lunched IN the wacky warehouse, chips balanced in the helter skelter.
I don't know how people cope. I can only assume you actually go insane during delivery or something. Constant screaming, crying moasning and shitting. I went a little mental myself.
As one small thing ran past brandishing a knife his mother looked at me and laughed, in the way dog owners laugh when their dog sniffs your dog's bum or something.
The hilarity.
I also found I have nothing to say to some people. Like, at all.
I find myself in an odd state in life. I'm 25, a studen,t and I've never actually had a longterm job. Or Kids. Nor do I holiday in Florida. Or Buy new cars. So I had nothing to talk to these people about. Theres a gulf. They don't care about biodiversity and I don't care that young billy said the funniest thing
Blah. roll on uni

Friday, September 15

Hello Scotland!



Back again. To ramble.
Whats been going on? I hear you mumble before realising you clicked the wrong link and ended up here.
Well.
I have a week before I go back to uni for the all important Honours year. I'm kinda looking forward to it but I'm a bit wibbly at the realisation of how much work there'll be. I'd really like a good mark. And not to have a mental breakdown. High expectations indeed.

I let colin and graham go in the garden. Graham and colin being the two garden snails I took in for a while, Colin was a tiny baby and Graham had been chucked about and had some shell damage.
I reasoned that they'd be happier free and with a risk of being eaten than completely safe but stuck in a box. They were all healthy and fed up on calcium so they have a good chance of making it over the winter.

The boss snail in the picture is Igby. Now a giant.
I'm planning a whole host of jolly japes with him, any suggestions can be emailed to me. For a small fee I'll let him slurp across the object of your hatred's tea spoons, plates or toothbrush then I'll email them the pictures of him mid shlomp after they've used the offending article. Ask me for a quote.

On unrelated matters: Happy belated birthday to Stuart's lovely lady.
Alright to everyone else and Russ- fix my link on yer page. I'm not sproutappreciation.com.

Thursday, September 7

You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

Paganism

88%

Islam

75%

agnosticism

71%

Satanism

63%

Buddhism

54%

Hinduism

50%

atheism

38%

Judaism

33%

Christianity

21%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Wow

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm.

You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels

as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual,

even if you are not religious.

Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative

69%

Materialist

69%

Postmodernist

63%

Existentialist

56%

Idealist

50%

Modernist

25%

Romanticist

25%

Fundamentalist

13%

What is Your World View?
created with QuizFarm.com



Bizarre. It's spot on. I mean seriously spot on. I'm actually in shock at how bang on it is. Who writes these things???
Cheers Russ

Tuesday, September 5

sad...

Hey peeps.
yesterday I found out about steve Irwin dying.
I actually suprised myself by really feeling a mixture of shock and genuine sadness.
I thought he was invincible.
I thought back and realised how long I've been watching the guy. I remember watching the first tv show he ever did on uk tv, about deadly snakes. Then crocodile hunter the film and I'm a secret crocodile hunter diaries watcher too, tuning in most weekends.
Amazing
He was A rabid environmentalist and general ace type star.
I've been sitting realising that if I could, for a day, live with the amount of enthusiasm that he had during his entire life, I'd be happy bunny.
What an incredible legacy.

Saturday, August 19



The sexy new arrival: Dylan

Tuesday, August 15

why yes! I have had a stroke....

Dentist today.
i seem to have some freakish bloodvessels going on in my mouth because the numb gum stuff made my tongue faint but still leave me with sensation in my gums *oyah!*
A double dose of the stuff left me very much feeling like I had a large wad of uncooked meat in my mouth and unable to talk.
Well, actually, I could talk I just chose not to as I sounded like I had a stroke. I was also managing a big lisp that made me sound like I had radio interference in my mouth.
Someone asked me for the time. I couldn't believe it. No one ever asks me for the time. Ever.
It couldn't have been a normal time either could it? Nope One o'clock would have been fine but no. It was twenty to two. If anyone remembers the Roy Hattersley puppet from spitting Image then I was very close to that.
Poor boy was drenched. I lisped "slorry" and he looked all sympathetic and said "its ok you can't help it"
Meaning I actually looked as big a spastic as I felt.

New Arrivals!

My Iredalei have turned up in the post yay!
For the uninitiated Iredalei are a type of land snail. They don't lay eggs which means it can live with igby without 'any of that nonsense' as my aunt would say.
As a bonus it's yellow. The whole snail is yellow. Gorgeous.
Pics coming soon

Saturday, August 12

jeez

So I'm house sitting today. It's become a bit of a habit these days. Random people throw house keys at me shouting "benidorm... fortnight... gerbil...mortice lock!" before they waft off and I can nibble their biccies, use their broadband and watch their cable tv. It's a hard life.
I really have to be careful on my internet forays though, I realise the internet seems to have some magic memory that can magic up sites that I've visited. Its distressing. Especially as all of the house owners have kids and I tend to look at NSFPWH (not suitable for people with humanity)
However, I have discovered that the people I'm house sitting for are not so careful.
Clicking in the box on google conjured up, basically, every single female actress you can think of with "naked" or "nude" suffixed or prefixed to their name. Oh and "courtney cox nip slip"
yes.
Indeed.
Makes my "M&M's up anus" search look positively tame.

Wednesday, July 5

Oi! nibblet!

First I'd like to thank whoever it was who not once but twice tried to get into my blogger account, did you not realise that when you request the password it emails ME?? twat.

So I'm house sitting for the week and trying not to worry. (Those are two separate things)

The house sitting is nice, especially since they have a trampoline in the garden and I can leap about on it. Lovely Jubbly. Not so much jumping about today though, as the sun could bake you to the pavement so I'm hiding indoors.
I hate summer.

The trying not to worry part is because I seem to have nothing to worry about. And that worries me because I worry about not having something to worry, because I must have missed something, so rare is it for me to have nothing to worry about. So I'm trying to relax a bit and enjoy my break. And not worry. Which is hard.
On a plus note the house I'm staying at has cable so I'm "most haunted" every night at midnight. Except last night which was like most haunted-athon night and I had 2 and a half hours of the ranting mental nonsense.
I really don't think anything beats Yvette Fielding shitting her pants in the dark.
"Did you hear that creak?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
hahahahaa
Run Fielding Run.
*snigger*

Tuesday, June 20

alright?

Hey troops.
Its me. Excuse me, I mean its me- BSc.
Indeedy, I have passed the degree with Distinction. Thats not just my opinion btw, it's what it said on the letter I recieved from the uni. I'm a chuffed bunny. Yay for me *waves little flag*

I've seemed to have gone into a little hibernation so I apologise for the silence.
I have, however, been taking pictures a lot over the last couple of day's and popping them on my flickr account, I'm kinda chuffed with some of them. I usually hate my pictures but I've been trying to crop them properly and making an effort. A few people have been looking at them so I've got a tiny bit of encouragement that no-one has said " what crap pics!". They've not actually said anything at all but I'm taking the silence positively.
If you want a look- clicky.

Friday, June 9

I'm HOW old??



Jeez thats old.
Time loadsa things here
Thanks to Bulb boy for this one.

Thursday, May 25

news and Chat

I have time to chat just now.... FOR I HAVE HANDED IN ALL MY DEGREE WORK.
All in. Barring shit results and natural disasters I will be a BSc.
I thought I'd be happy but dammit, I just want to cry and curl up into a ball. I hope a feeling of joy will arrive soon. This has taken long enough and I'll be damned if I'm gonna feel miserable.

So... Chat.
My very favorite TV programme is back on, the untempered JOY that is the Beechgrove Garden is now gracing our screens again. The very staple of scottish gardening has been on for 20 years and I've watched it all. Seriously. Ask my mum.
Alan Titchmarsh and Monty Don- pee off! Beechgrove kicks ass. A programme which shows us what we can really plant up here is just ace. Monty Don and his tender perennials. Ptcha! wouldn't last the night up here mate. What you want is something HARDY, like heather(who, incidentally, does the weather).
This week they are trialing 'lady cucumbers' which sounds to me like something lesbians would subscribe to. If you are in the BBC scotland area I urge you to watch.
I think this may be the year i will visit the field of dreams, Aberdeen here I come!

The weather just now is glorious. The past couple of nights the sunset has been like the golden angelic choir have been doing a dress rehearsal outside my window but I couldn't look, for I was typing. But now I shall go and frolic and possibly Gambol if my knee holds up.

What a nice day.