Thursday, July 10

Motorcycle Diaries

I've been watching this excellent film recently. It's a blinder, I've also got the book which is also breathtaking. Its fantastic to read Ernesto Guevara before he became 'Che' and became the revolutionary leader. When he was still Ernesto- medical student and love lorn. I love that he didn't know what he was to become. It gives me hope. Not that I think that underneath this pallid exterior there will be a great revolutionary leader or something but just that maybe something good is just around the corner. Something I can't quite see yet but that maybe some of these shitty experiences I keep having are preparing me for something.
For those of you who know me you wont need told but I have been Many many years in education and I've covered a lot of ground academically. I've also got the '1 year unemployed' medal from the job centre. I'm not useless but I'm increasingly starting to feel it. My brain is slowing and I fear that I'm starting to listen to people with my mouth open. People ask me why I don't just pick up 'a wee job in a bar' and I'm too ashamed to admit that I've applied and heard nothing back. I have £60 a week to live on and I live at home with my mum. Its not really a life, more an existance. It sucks. and all I can do is hope that something, anything, will turn up and help me justify this semi transparent existance.