also...

Thatgirls Real life life: a small snippet

Chapter 1

Your erstwhile heroine gets up from her desk and decides to have a sneaky wee peak out of her window, see whats happening outside, you know, as you do.She is one floor up.
Outside her window mothers are walking with toddlers, schoolgirls are giggling past her gate, a scene of neighbourly tranquillity.
Her gaze falls upon a small car parked outside the gate, the driver is in the car.
A moment of confusion from thatgirl, then a noise slowly escapes her lips....
"ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Chapter 2
The local police station

A lovely wee police helper is standing at the desk. I glide across and she smiles like an angel
"can I help you with anything?" a beaming smile.
"Yes", i say leaning across the desk confidentially.
"I'd like to report something"
She tries to look reassuring "can I take a few details?"
"Ok" I say, searching for words
"A man was parked outside my gate wanking like a monkey"
She looks at me, distressed. I smile.
"I'll get someone to talk to you"

Chapter 3

A small female PC has me in a converted Cell for interview/statement. Oh and for 'converted' read 'they took the bed out and put in a desk'.
She is questioning me.
"...And the man in the car, what exactly was he doing?" her pen is poised.
"well, I'd have to say he was wanking like a chimpanzee"
I relate details. Apparantly, according to PC Softly, most people don't notice what hand he was using. Or the other myriad of details I provide. Nor do they laugh like drains when reporting public indecency.
"I'm very observant" I tell her.
"yes" she squints and me "very"
"Just..." I shift a little "I'm only sorry I couldn't do more" I smile "I couldn't get my phone to video properly"......

Afterword: Next time I'm panning his car window in. then he can explain to strathclyde's finest why he was chugging away with schoolkids about.