Igby gets an overdraft...

I ordered a book about looking after Igby.
It cost me £1:75 and they have to order it in.Probably print it up too.
So far Costs for the Igmeister running at:

Tank: £11
Substrate (2 kinds, he didn't like the first stuff): £7
Rock effect water dish £3
Bit of cork to clamber on £1.50
Heat pad (he gets a cold ass,honest) £11
Food (roughly) £5
Spray bottle for his water : £0.85
Bottle of Volvic(only the best for my boy) £1.75
Book about his slimy ass £1.75
So thats *quick calculation*
£42.86p
Oh yeah I forgot.
And Igby: £1.50+ £1.00p&p

Igby cost: £45.36
Look on my mums face when he schlomps across the kitchen: Priceless

Good morning world!

Firstly
So our brave little badger Russel is off to Chicago all on his own soon.
We hope he has a great time and Pimps himself mercilously for the good of his book.Work it Brock, work it!

Oh what a beautiful dayyyyyyy....

What a beautiful morning this morning. The sun was shining and it was just cold enough to make it pleasant. I actually walked into town to pick up my bus ticket just to enjoy the weather. It was a real "GOOD MORNING WORLD!" kind of morning. For the first time in a while I had a feeling like "everything's good". How Ace.

Damn I've shrunk my clothes...oh wait

So I am in at work with a home made lunch (Rice salad type thing)in a desperate attempt to lose some of the weight that I appear to have piled on unnoticed. It's the grazing at my desk that does it. I have to chew the cud or I get bored :-)
I realised that I really need to start walking around more. Not that I have like, some kind of personal taxi service, but I only walk to the bus stop (3 mins)and then off at work (4 mins) and then back again later. so thats 14mins of walking a day. That's actually embarrasing now I see it written down. So more walking and less eating. Thats the plan at least. I'm going to go out today and buy myself a lunch box, a cool one, to try and encourage the "make at home" thing. I can't afford to eat out as much either. I might even try a home made sushi. Mmmm sushi.

Coffee...

I drink too much coffee. All that caffine and sugar (I take 3 per cup)
I have:
4 or 5 coffees a day
thats 5x3=15 spoonfuls of sugar a day. Jeezus.
No wonder my arse is expanding faster than the galaxy.

when friends go bad....

Ok I don't usually do this but this is a portion of a email I have been sent by someone that used to be a friend, remember the camping fiasco?
I have never been accused of lacking integrity so I am interested in how exactly you measure this, answers on a postcard please!
And so to the email:

Would like to take this opportunity to ask if you have any
intetion of repaying the £30 that you owe me. I assume from
your lack of response to my request that you do not and
therefore will see fit to collect my debt by selling your
tent. If this assumption is incorrect then I advise you to
inform me so sooner rather than later.

In addition I belive that you cast aspertions that I would
tell anyone who would listen what happened on our holiday.
Unlike yourself I managed to keep my mouth closed until I
realised that you were informing people of your somewhat
edited version. I have no need to tell anyone who was not
involved however you seem to think that mere aquaintances
should be informed. However in this telling you neglect to
mention that I drove over 500 miles for which I recieved no
thanks and that you have not apologised for your behaviour
which was equal to that of a 5year old. How you can blame
the bank for you spending your money I have no idea!

I have little expection that you will resolve this
unfortunate incident as you have proved that integrity is
something you lack. For that I am most sorry.


A Couple a points:
She has little expection? what the fuck is that? As to the lack of integrity, I'm much sorrier that she has little expection, Personally I like a lot of expection.
The bank took charges-I didn't spend it, had she been listening and not yelling she'd have heard this part.
I'd really love to know who the 'mere acquaintances' are, as would they I'm sure.
Also If she sells my stuff I wont do anything. But my mum will. For those of you who know my mum thats not an idle threat :-)
on a petty note:
Intetion has an 'n'- intention
belive has an 'e'- believe
aquaintances has a 'c'- acquaintances.
I'm allowed a little petty.
I thank you, comments positively embraced.
Beca the integrity lacker

dear lord

I'm sat here and I think I'm still drunk. I haven't drank whisky for a while and I think If I want to keep my friends that will be the last whisky drinking for a good long while. What a tit I made of myself last night, I think I worryingly rang my Mum and said " yeah I'm to fucked to come home, have a good holiday" 'cos yeah, she goes away for a fortnight today and I couldn't drag my sorry arse in the door to see her off. what a knob. I'm writing this now as I am still drunk but I can feel the shaking, queasy feeling starting. How can you get nauseous at some coca cola? uhhh. Sometimes I wish there was some kind of voluntary organ donation scheme. I obviously shouldn't be left alive.
For regular readers you'll be happy to know that I met up with the girl that I had the faling out with last night. At the point I met her I had that non internal commenting thing going on so I really doubt I have friends left. Or family

Nip/Tuck

Mes Amis

Ch-Ch-Changes... Ooo, a new look for Sprout. Beccy's the woman in charge of the site and I for one think I like the new look. Makes us look all happy and cheery. Except me. But I'm always scowling like that.

Oz the Gweat and Tewwible... Stephen King is a very variable author, but I've always had a soft spot for him when he's on form. Like Pet Semetary, a book that shouldn't work but does. I come back to this one like a good snack I look forward to every once in a while. Its junk but damn its good to read it. I knew there was a film version, too, but knowing how bad Stephen King films are, I hadn't really bothered to see it (and me, a lover of bad movies, too!). Until the other night. Channel 5 have gone back to their roots and started doing shitey horror seasons again. I love it when 5 do this. I do hope they show Amityville Dollhouse again or any of the later numbered Jason films. There's some guilty pleasure in watching truly incompetenetly made horror films. Anyway, Pet Semetary isn't all that bad and is ultimately almost faithful to the plot of the book which is surprising. The problem is that the tone's all wrong. Everything is so melodramatic that it makes Tasha Yar (yes, the one who died in the first season of the Star Trek: Next Generation series) look Oscar worthy playing our hero's wife. I mean any emotion is played loud and proud, like they really want to batter us over the head with it all. Which is funny because I was watching the film thinking if the actors all calmed down this would be genuinely fucking frightening. Especially Church the devil-bastard cat. And then there's King himself hamming it up as a vicar for a few minutes. Its all just... a missed opportunity.

But that said, that kid at the end is fuckin' freaky. Even without the special contact lenses. I was scared of him even from the start when he was meant to be all sweet.

Anyway, mes amis

Au revoir

Russel

I'm back, baby!

Mes Amis

Since you been gone... Woah-woah-woah-oh, Woah-woah-woah-oh! Ahem, anyway, yes I'm back, baby. I ain't getting kicked off the front page for no one. I have, of course, been very busy of late (see my adventures over at These Aye Mean Streets if you need an explanation) and so feel like I've left Becs to play alone. But no more.

The Good Book... Have I ever mentioned how much I love Philip K Dick? I mean, not literally, but the man was a God to me when I first discovered proper growed-up type fiction. His SF was weird, wonderful and more mature in its dealings with humanity than much of the pap that followed it. And then there are the mainstream novels... They were all rejected one day in the sixties, slamming through his postbox with a note attached saying how no one wanted them. Dick's dreams of being taken seriously were crushed. Only one (the amazing Confessions of a Crap Artist) was published during his lifetime, but they are still vibrant, beautiful works. Like the one I just read: In Milton Lumky Territory. Don't you just wanna read a book with a title like that? Despite the strangeness of the title, the book is a 1960's love story in its own twisted way. Bruce, a sales rep, meets the woman of his dreams and promptly marries her. Trouble is, she's ten years older than he was and was his high school teacher. As their odd relationship plays out, we explore Dick's constant fascinations with mental health, the true meaning of communication between beings and empathy. It sounds heavy stuff, and some of it is, but Dick has a great narrative voice and his characters are so fragile that you can't help but love them. The Milton Lumky of the title, by the way, is a newspaper salesman who may just understand more about the lovers than they could ever understand themselves.

Its Russel's literary pick of the month. In fact, any book by PKD (With the possible exception of the Zap Gun) would be Russel's literary pick of the month.

Speaking of Literary... Gonzo's gone, baby, Gonzo's really gone.

Anyway, mes amis, I shall return soon

Till then

Au revoir

Russel

Funny for my ears

I've been listening to podcasts while at work. Yes I am the giggler at the desk in the corner. I'm sorry but a grandma porn story read out with the voices makes me laugh like a pervert in a pantomime. This giggling is caused by 'distorted view' who have an inspired sextastic tuesday edition with porn stories that are a little...disturbing to say the least. I quote "I realised it was the best blowjob ever because she didn't have her teeth in and it was her gums knawing on me" *shudder* made even funnier by the presenter, Tim, and his fantastic commentary and obvious glee coupled with disgust at the stories. Every other day is news of the weird and general chat on porn, sex and gross bodily function.
Seriously funny if you have that kind of sense of humour, you know wether you have this sense of humour. Distorted view is very very adult so if you happen to be a minor don't be going there and saying I sent you.Right?
Distorted view is available on Itunes. Or visit Distorted View
Ba da da da duh duh I'm lovin it!


Later in the day....

I just realised that I don't think anyone comes here. I think when Russel Left to start his blog I think you all left with him. *sigh*
oh well.
I'm thinking of changing the appearance of the Blog, I think It could do with lightening up a little bit. Any ideas? Oh yeah, I forgot; theres no-one here. *bigger sigh*

a new way to go (literally)

I shlomped over to the Co-op online for a link.
I clicked about and came up with this

Hey!
I just read down some of my previous posts and realised that the ladybird people never emailed me back! well, fuck them. All I wanted to know was all about the stupid green lady bird but they're obviously too busy having fucking tiffin or something to email me back. Well screw 'em.

Igby Goes Up!

Igby Goes Up!
Originally uploaded by Sprout appreciation.

here is igby. isn't he cute? On second thoughts don't answer that

heheheh

Well I've done it.
I've been browsing for years and I've finally done it
Back to the beginning for me!!

december six

december six
Originally uploaded by antimethod.

Check this guy's stuff out. Really and seriously. I can assure you you need to see these. Really

what a weekend.

Ok, don't get upset, Ijust think everyone gets this feeling.

Jeez

Ok so for those of you who don't know I was engaged. Note the was.
I didn't really want to start phoning people to tell them, I couldn't cope with the "oh, what happened??" 'cos I really don't want to talk about it, it was very upsetting and amicable, no shouting and it wasn't done in anger. Plus I still have this silly bursting into tears and hyperventilating when I think about it thing going on. It's getting better though, I managed all the way on the bus without crying once! little steps :-)

If I went away

I was thinking at the weekend, If i went missing would anyone look for me? I've often thought about this after I saw a young guy sitting on the pavement in York and I thought "why has no-one come to find you?" He looked about 15. Someone should have been looking.
For me, on my bad days I just think about how many freinds I have and that I think some of them would try and find me. Thats a nice thought.

Finally...

The young chap beside me on the bus was reading a book about 'discrete mathematics'.
Is anyone else getting lovely visions of people wandering about quietly thumbing their calculators and slouching in corners attempting equations?

Finally finally...

Does anyone remember a guy who used to write on here.... Russ or something? I seem to have a vague recollection of a beard but it's been soooo long.....

Dear god above

Browsing on Ebay at work and I encountered this. I am dumbstruck with terror.

Trades description act.!!!

IGBY

So I got my snail through the post. He's beautiful.
He does, However, make a mockery of the title Giant African Land Snail.
First off he came from Portsmouth. Secondly he's mini. You ever eat guylian chocolates?, the sea shells? He's worrying the same size and colour as one of these.
I went out the day before he was supposed to arrive and bought a big tank, substrate, cute rock water holder, heat pad (yeah yeah he only cost £1:50, the tank alone was £10, the heater £11 etc.)
So he arrived and I laughed. He's around 2" long, all in. I had put bits of food in for him that were bigger than he is. Still, he's a growing lad.
Also, If you want a pet thats all action and excitement don't get one of these he buries himself in substrate and doesn't move. At all. I move him, he eats and buries himself again. He has done a poo though. It was white (too much cuttlefish!!) yummy. Interested? here's a link on the snails.

Green???

I saw a green ladybird today. Honestly-green. fucked up or what??
So i looked here but they don't have green ladybirds. So I emailed them. I will await their reply with interest. I might be mad.

Nother poem (sorry)


I think dogs are rather cute.

I like to poke them with my foot

when the doggy sniffs at me

I touch myself excitedleeee!

my doggy fetish is rather strange

I have a horrid case of mange

my bits are just one giant scab

I got it off of next doors lab.

My doggie love will never stall

who else could I pull with a bouncy ball?